The Covid-19 T.p. Insanity
#1
Posted 27 March 2020 - 07:20 AM
(BOON, you might want to take a moment and catch your breath, I'm just starting with the Jokes.).
I would love to see the face of some mob boss as one of his men come back from a protection run and a couple of roll o Quilted Northern fall out of the sack - "I'm Sorry Boss, but that's all they had.".
I doubt that a bank robber would be cheering that "He's Rich", after cracking the vault and finding it stuffed with Smart Value.
Still people have gone nuts over the stuff. I heard about one lady charging her neighbor a roll of T.P. for running them to the store. Perhaps this is changing society some.
-Lost Dog, reward 4 rolls.
-Will work for Scotts.
In days past, the joke was "Got Milk." Today it's "Got Toilet Paper.".
Aunt Marge is going to have to change her will, or at least update it. "To Jake, I leave 300 rolls of the plushy stuff. To Magie I leave 200 rolls of extra soft. To Edward I leave 1 roll of the cheap stuff."
But the real insanity are those who grab as much as they can. In one purchase they snag thousands of rolls. Even if they use one roll a day, that's years worth of T.P., and they still need more. Some of these people have freaked out over COVID-19, claiming that it's the end of the world. Why are they so worried about it - it's not like they can take it with them, even if it is Angel Soft. As a gamer I know that the boatman is not going to accept 2-ply. For some reason I don't think that even if we all reach the pearly gates the first thing Saint Peter's going to say is "Butt Check!".
#2
Posted 27 March 2020 - 02:38 PM
newspaper is going for $2 a page.
are they burning that too?
not right away.
#3
Posted 27 March 2020 - 06:27 PM
#4
Posted 28 March 2020 - 04:17 AM
#5
Posted 28 March 2020 - 03:10 PM
We had the exact same thing going on 2 weeks ago ... was hilarious .
My brother and me were cracking really dirty jokes loudly when passing by those panicked sheep with their mountains of toilet paper in their shoppingcarts .
"Why do they need so much toiletpaper ?"
"Maybe they start puking as soon as they see each other, hey I don´t know"
"Extreme perma wankers, maybe ?"
"Hmmm, could be ... but they´re missing the crucial stuff then ."
"Errrr?"
"Lubricant, you slowpoke, sheesh"
And even worse stuff than that .
One of the storeclerks had a hearty laugh about one of those when refilling a shelf right next to us, right before greeting us .
The worst one I´ve witnessed those past 2 weeks so far was a lady at about 40 years with 3 shopping carts full of everything, not just TP ... but she wore brown pants so I wasn´t quite sure if she already did the crap-a-loo fandango or she just wanted to be extremely prepared for the zombie apocalypse .
#6
Posted 29 March 2020 - 12:15 AM
#7
Posted 29 March 2020 - 01:42 AM
LordNothing, on 29 March 2020 - 12:15 AM, said:
Oh boy, that totally hits in the same vein as my most used saying nowadays when I ask somebody how they are doing in "these times of mental pestilence and moral cholera", stolen straight from a book title from Paulo Coelhá iirc
When calling my mom to check on her with that phrase, she had a laughter attack for a minute and a half ...
#8
Posted 29 March 2020 - 02:29 AM
B0oN, on 29 March 2020 - 01:42 AM, said:
Are you sure it was laughing and not Corona-coughing?
On a serious note: everybody stay safe and sane (at least the last is, I have to admit, quite challenging in our times of mental pestilence and moral cholera)! LLAP
#9
Posted 29 March 2020 - 02:02 PM
B0oN, on 29 March 2020 - 01:42 AM, said:
When calling my mom to check on her with that phrase, she had a laughter attack for a minute and a half ...
i said it once and il say it again, the real virus is humans.
#10
Posted 29 March 2020 - 02:13 PM
latinisator, on 29 March 2020 - 02:29 AM, said:
On a serious note: everybody stay safe and sane (at least the last is, I have to admit, quite challenging in our times of mental pestilence and moral cholera)! LLAP
im kind of a shut in already. so when the virus hit i didn't notice the difference. of course i haven't gone shopping yet and thats going to suck.
#11
Posted 30 March 2020 - 09:27 AM
All the panic did was make things worse...and it's completely convinced me that people (plural) are idiots.
#12
Posted 31 March 2020 - 03:25 PM
Edited by LordNothing, 31 March 2020 - 03:26 PM.
#13
Posted 03 April 2020 - 07:55 AM
When someone starts to stockpile T.P., just tell them to grab a neighbors cat for a moment. They are self cleaning and reusable.
#14
Posted 03 April 2020 - 04:25 PM
Kalimaster, on 03 April 2020 - 07:55 AM, said:
When someone starts to stockpile T.P., just tell them to grab a neighbors cat for a moment. They are self cleaning and reusable.
well they are that but it can be rather abrasive. but its spring and if you live in the sticks foliage abounds. just dont use the devils club. needless to say the scot is now in the gun safe under lock, key and armed guard. you cant get a roll without filling out a bunch of request forms, show proof of your last week's tp usage, and sacrificing a $20 bill to my marijuana fund.
#15
Posted 04 April 2020 - 01:36 AM
LordNothing, on 03 April 2020 - 04:25 PM, said:
well they are that but it can be rather abrasive. but its spring and if you live in the sticks foliage abounds. just dont use the devils club. needless to say the scot is now in the gun safe under lock, key and armed guard. you cant get a roll without filling out a bunch of request forms, show proof of your last week's tp usage, and sacrificing a $20 bill to my marijuana fund.
So much <3 for this ... laughing me arse off !
#16
Posted 05 April 2020 - 11:29 PM
#17
Posted 10 April 2020 - 09:14 AM
And what is it about Going to Church where hundreds of people are, when everything else is closed up. Kinda defeats the purpose huh?
#18
Posted 10 April 2020 - 02:40 PM
Kalimaster, on 10 April 2020 - 09:14 AM, said:
And what is it about Going to Church where hundreds of people are, when everything else is closed up. Kinda defeats the purpose huh?
Yea, kinda like locking down an entire country & then allowing plane loads in from other countries without any checks at all. Go UK! Just outstanding!?!
#19
Posted 10 April 2020 - 04:57 PM
#20
Posted 10 April 2020 - 05:17 PM
Kalimaster, on 10 April 2020 - 09:14 AM, said:
And what is it about Going to Church where hundreds of people are, when everything else is closed up. Kinda defeats the purpose huh?
im surprised the flagellants haven't made a comeback. and wheres the guy in a bird suit telling me to bring out my dead. worst plague ever, i want my money back.
Edited by LordNothing, 10 April 2020 - 05:18 PM.
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