Jump to content

Battletech Jokes!


182 replies to this topic

#61 Banshee Bullet

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Overlord
  • Overlord
  • 431 posts
  • LocationUncomfortably Close

Posted 27 May 2012 - 01:29 PM

Three Atlases walk into a bar...

There were no survivors.

#62 Kelly Redde

    Member

  • PipPip
  • 32 posts

Posted 27 May 2012 - 04:36 PM

A brick wall can not outrun an Annihilator... it just gives it stiff competition.

A Flea walks into a bar... the pilot fails his saving roll and is knocked unconscious.

How did the Lyran spy get caught? He didn't know what a 'Light Mech' was.

How many snakeheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw the lightbulb in, and another to help the first commit sepukku for allowing the bulb to go out.

#63 Insidious Johnson

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Bad Company
  • Bad Company
  • 2,417 posts
  • Location"This is Johnson, I'm cored"

Posted 27 May 2012 - 08:06 PM

What do you call a recipient of a Lyran organ transplant?








Franken Steiner.

#64 RotS Targe

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Veteran Founder
  • Veteran Founder
  • 319 posts

Posted 27 May 2012 - 08:43 PM

View PostInsidious Johnson, on 27 May 2012 - 08:06 PM, said:

What do you call a recipient of a Lyran organ transplant?








Franken Steiner.

my head hurts. Thank you

#65 LordDeathStrike

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • The Merciless
  • The Merciless
  • 1,456 posts
  • LocationBanished from nearly every world of the Inner Sphere on suspicions of being an assassin.

Posted 27 May 2012 - 08:56 PM

View PostKelly Redde, on 27 May 2012 - 04:36 PM, said:

A brick wall can not outrun an Annihilator... it just gives it stiff competition.

A Flea walks into a bar... the pilot fails his saving roll and is knocked unconscious.

How did the Lyran spy get caught? He didn't know what a 'Light Mech' was.

How many snakeheads does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to screw the lightbulb in, and another to help the first commit sepukku for allowing the bulb to go out.

more like a flea walks into a bar, the pilot fails his saving roll and is killed as the wall crushes the puney flea.

lyrans are familiar with light scout mechs, such as the awesome.

#66 Hakija

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Knight Errant
  • Knight Errant
  • 214 posts
  • LocationAtlanta, United States

Posted 27 May 2012 - 09:03 PM

How many Free Worlders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

3, one to hold the bulb and 2 to spin the ladder

#67 Felicitatem Parco

    Professor of Memetics

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Legendary Founder
  • Legendary Founder
  • 13,522 posts
  • LocationIs Being Obscured By ECM

Posted 27 May 2012 - 09:49 PM

How many ROM agents does it take to screw in a Lightbulb?


"He knows too much about lightbulb technology..."

"Agreed..."



*pew*

Edited by Prosperity Park, 27 May 2012 - 09:52 PM.


#68 Rayah

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • The Butcher
  • The Butcher
  • 801 posts

Posted 28 May 2012 - 05:32 AM

View PostGun Bear, on 02 May 2012 - 11:04 AM, said:

How many Clanners does it take to change a lightbulb?
13, 1 to challenge it to a Trial of Grievance for going out, 1 laborer to clean up the glass, ten to form a circle of equals, and 1 tech to put a new one in because Warriors are too good for that.
I laughed so hard.

#69 Kutkor

    Rookie

  • 7 posts
  • Facebook: Link
  • LocationPancevo, Serbia

Posted 28 May 2012 - 05:43 AM

+1 for pedomech from me

#70 Jaegerwolf

    Member

  • PipPipPip
  • 68 posts
  • LocationMiddletown, CT

Posted 28 May 2012 - 09:18 AM

Why did the SLDF have so much trouble keeping girlfriends?

Spoiler


What did the Jenner say to the Atlas?

Spoiler


#71 Gun Bear

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,016 posts
  • LocationGarrison duty on some FWL Planet and itching for action.

Posted 01 June 2012 - 08:41 PM

A protomech...


What? That is the whole joke?

#72 LordDeathStrike

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • The Merciless
  • The Merciless
  • 1,456 posts
  • LocationBanished from nearly every world of the Inner Sphere on suspicions of being an assassin.

Posted 01 June 2012 - 08:49 PM

what do you call a stock hunchback out in the open field?

SLAG! *gauss shell to the cockpit, BOOM HEADSHOTS*

#73 Sabot

    Rookie

  • 1 posts
  • LocationColorado, USA

Posted 01 June 2012 - 08:54 PM

Comic: An assault mechs walks into a bar...
Pilot: Hope he made it out...
Technician: Jump Jets...
Bar Tender: Fu**ing Cappies...

#74 Spiralcrisis

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Philanthropist
  • Philanthropist
  • 207 posts
  • LocationI'm not sure I want to know.

Posted 01 June 2012 - 09:07 PM

The Capellan Confederation.

#75 Evinthal

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Bad Company
  • Bad Company
  • 660 posts
  • LocationGig Harbor, Wa

Posted 01 June 2012 - 09:33 PM

You know no one is saying House Davion is evil for going to town on House Liao like they were pedobear in the school of deaf and blind children. Word of Blake uses tactical nukes to force surrender to avoid protracted battles to save the common people and they are the ultimate evil.

Just saying Word of Blake was trying to save humanity from a fascist plutocratic government systems ran by 5 families puppetted by a corrupt semi-religious organization. Why can the Inner Sphere not breath the sweet air of Word of Blake freedom.

I mean come on extreme nepotism let the Clan forces of roughly a few thousand idiots who cannot decide on pizza toppings without a trial of grievance conquer trillions of humans spread over hundreds of worlds.

But oh god look at those Blakists they are making 'Mechs that aren't retarded and rapidly advancing technology lets stop them and put up a puppet Delvin Stone that is supported by the corrupt governments that let Word of Blake rise in the first place.

Edited by Evinthal, 01 June 2012 - 09:35 PM.


#76 Alexander Fury

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPip
  • Bad Company
  • Bad Company
  • 174 posts
  • LocationCanada, So expect permanent winter camo.

Posted 02 June 2012 - 04:13 PM

View PostEvinthal, on 01 June 2012 - 09:33 PM, said:

You know no one is saying House Davion is evil for going to town on House Liao like they were pedobear in the school of deaf and blind children. Word of Blake uses tactical nukes to force surrender to avoid protracted battles to save the common people and they are the ultimate evil. Just saying Word of Blake was trying to save humanity from a fascist plutocratic government systems ran by 5 families puppetted by a corrupt semi-religious organization. Why can the Inner Sphere not breath the sweet air of Word of Blake freedom. I mean come on extreme nepotism let the Clan forces of roughly a few thousand idiots who cannot decide on pizza toppings without a trial of grievance conquer trillions of humans spread over hundreds of worlds. But oh god look at those Blakists they are making 'Mechs that aren't retarded and rapidly advancing technology lets stop them and put up a puppet Delvin Stone that is supported by the corrupt governments that let Word of Blake rise in the first place.


Not really sure what the joke is? Other than the whole premise of the Jihad.

#77 Kartr

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Knight Errant
  • Knight Errant
  • 560 posts

Posted 02 June 2012 - 04:25 PM

View PostAlexander Fury, on 02 June 2012 - 04:13 PM, said:


Not really sure what the joke is? Other than the whole premise of the Jihad.

I think it's that the Word of Blake is better than the Great Houses. Or maybe it's that the Great Houses are fascists?

#78 Daneiel

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPip
  • Bad Company
  • Bad Company
  • 490 posts
  • LocationSheridan

Posted 02 June 2012 - 04:29 PM

The Inner Sphere way

Edited by daneiel varna, 02 June 2012 - 04:30 PM.


#79 Gun Bear

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,016 posts
  • LocationGarrison duty on some FWL Planet and itching for action.

Posted 02 June 2012 - 04:48 PM

View Postdaneiel varna, on 02 June 2012 - 04:29 PM, said:


Looks like a lazy Saturday afternoon in the Free World's League.

#80 Threat Doc

    Member

  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • The Bowman
  • The Bowman
  • 3,715 posts
  • LocationO'Shaughnnessy MMW Base, Devon Continent, Rochester, FedCom

Posted 02 June 2012 - 05:05 PM

View Postdaneiel varna, on 02 June 2012 - 04:29 PM, said:

This was fantastic and I enjoyed it... might put it up again on my flat panel TV and watch it again... there are several aspects, two in particular, that are worth seeing again, hehe.



15 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 15 guests, 0 anonymous users