182 replies to this topic

[Gun Bear]

This is the place for jokes about and in Battletech Universe the forums, and all things related. I of course will start or its just a waste of time.


Q:What is the difference between Paul and an Atlas?

A: One is an unstoppable juggernaut of destruction who will not hesitate to **** up your whole day for no reason other than it can.

The other is a battlemech.

[Helmer]

Nice!


Oh Gun Bear, we hardly knew ye. It's horrible what that hammer did to you....





Cheers.

[Hawkeye 72]

....

[CobaltRaptor]

Ok what in the name of all that is good and decent is this montrosity?

Hawkeye 72, on 26 April 2012 - 06:47 PM, said:

....

It looks like, a Thor and a Vindicator had a retarded love child.

[Goldhawk]

CobaltRaptor, on 26 April 2012 - 07:57 PM, said:

Ok what in the name of all that is good and decent is this montrosity?


It looks like, a Thor and a Vindicator had a retarded love child.

.... It's a Ragnarock or a Ymir... More Likely a Ragnarock. It was a creation for the Mechassault games.
100 tons
Weapons included
4 autocannon
lasers
And....
(Cough)
A lava cannon....

The alternate had gauss rifles and I think missiles...
Oh yea, and apparently they had giant shields that were the mech's "special ability....

We don't talk much about them....

[CobaltRaptor]

Goldhawk, on 26 April 2012 - 08:05 PM, said:

.... It's a Ragnarock or a Ymir... More Likely a Ragnarock. It was a creation for the Mechassault games.
100 tons
Weapons included
4 autocannon
lasers
And....
(Cough)
A lava cannon....

The alternate had gauss rifles and I think missiles...
Oh yea, and apparently they had giant shields that were the mech's "special ability....

We don't talk much about them....

That explains why i had no idea what it was, never was a big Mechassault fan.

[guardian wolf]

I honestly laughed when I heard Lava cannon, really, is that the best they could come up with. Come on guys, at least make it a little bit more, battletech, not star wars.

[LordDeathStrike]

lava guns are definitely a joke. now large 100 ton assault mech sized rpgs ild like, with shaped charge warheads that shoot hot jets of metal through armor like a plasma cutting torch through room tempurature butter. mmmmmm butter.

[Storm McIntyre]

A soldier is traveling along a road when he comes across what appears to be a devastated battlefield. Not a single structure or tree is intact. A lone farmer stands in the middle of it looking and around and shaking his head. The soldier goes up to the man and asks if he is okay. The farmer says:

"Yeah. You know, this was a nice neighborhood until the Davion Assault Guards took up breakdancing."

[Hawkeye 72]

[Gun Bear]

c'mon guys

[Kiyoshi Amaya]

Check my sig.

[Thorn Hallis]

This is not so much a joke, as it is taken from a BT sourcebook. But I had a good laugh, so at least its somewhat funny.

Deadly Enemies

As soon as they walked into the bar, I realized they were Dragoons. Even in civvies, they generally wear that wolf's-head patch somewhere. They knew damned well who we were, too - Wilson's Nightriders, heart and soul of McCarron's Armored Cavalry. And we just happened to hate the Dragoons' guts.
And yeah, maybe I threw the first punch, but they damn well provoked it. There were two of them talking in loud voices, discussing ancient history.
"Yeah," says the first, "Philip of Macedon - you know, Alexander the Great's father - they say that we wept over the bodies of the Theban Sacred Band after he killed them."
"The Theban Sacred Band?" says the other. "Who were they?"
"The elite regiment of the Theban army. Supposedly the whole unit was made up of pairs of male homosexual lovers."
"Oh," pipes the second Dragoon, looking right at me. "Sort of like an early version of McCarron's Armored Cavalry."

I don't remember much after that.

- Lieutenant Jonathan Pelley, McCarron's Armored Cavalry, in a statement after his arrest for assault, disorderly conduct, destruction of public property, and illegal discharge of a firearm, on Bithinia, 3012

Edited by Thorn Hallis, 28 April 2012 - 01:12 PM.

[Adridos]

A Steiner scout lance consisting of just light mechs runs aound the battlefield.

[BeforeLife]

Adridos, on 28 April 2012 - 01:16 PM, said:

A Steiner scout lance consisting of just light mechs runs aound the battlefield.

I cant stop laughting... Oh god make it stop!!!
Quick! Someone get me my 400XL atlas!

[SGT Unther]

[Kiyoshi Amaya]

Did you hear about the scotsman who couldn't decide whether to fill his fafnir with LRM15s or LRM20s?

He was just fafn'aboot

(all together now.... 'headdesk')

[Adridos]

A Steiner, a Fedrat, and a Cappie are climbing up a mountain arguing over who loves their faction most. The Steiner, flustered, insists he is most loyal and shouts, "For the Archon and for the Commonwealth!" and jumps off a cliff.

The Cappie, not willing to be outdone, shouts, "Long live the Capellan Confederation!" and pushes the Fedrat off the cliff.

Not made by me, of course.

[Patrio Sioux Daltum]

So a polar bear walks into a bar with a penguin under one arm and a six-foot salami under the other....

[Goldhawk]

"There are two things wrong with the creation of new mechs, the designer, that believes that he has made an unstoppable weapon of destruction, and the pilot that believes the designer."