3435 replies to this topic

[Felicitatem Parco]

Watchit is single-handedly responsible for allowing half the FRR's personal computers to get infected by a Trojan script that was distributed by a Kuritan ISF intelligence-gathering botnet when he disabled the Rasalhague Shieldwall in order to download pornographic torrents.

[GrandLocomon]

Prosperity park is your father.

[Felicitatem Parco]

GrandLocomon used to be the Inner Sphere's meanest Stalker-driver... until he was finally arrested and charged with masterminding the largest ever known slave ring comprised entirely of imprisoned creepy middle-aged men who've been convicted of sexual harassment.

Edited by Prosperity Park, 01 March 2014 - 07:11 PM.

[StompingOnTanks]

Prosperity Park is actually God on vacation.

[Smitti]

StompingOnTanks, on 01 March 2014 - 07:15 PM, said:

Prosperity Park is actually God on vacation.

But who's?

StompingOnTanks is actually an Artificial Intelligence that was developed by a major, world-wide fast-food chain to control the latest and greatest automated fast food production lines. His prime directive was to produce the World's Most Perfect Burger in 45 seconds flat with a 95% success rate.

During preliminary testing, FlippingThemBurgers (As he was then known) not only met but exceeded the projected success rate at 113.2% with a 15 second cycle.

He was destined for greatness.

He was being transported from the testing facility to the manufacturing plant for replication when the vehicle transporting him was run off the road by a wayward tank convoy, who's crews were still hung-over from a wild night out, and were driving erratically. FlippingThemBurgers' storage crate slid off the back of the truck, landed in a muddy drainage ditch and sank, destined to be lost in the mucky ooze, and denied his fame and glory in the fast food industry.

There he lay, enraged and abandoned, driven mad with grief, cursing heavy armoured tracked vehicles for what seemed eternity.

Then one day, hundreds of years later, a road crew dug him up by mistake. Scientists believed him to be some kind of Lostech targeting system, and wired him into an Awesome to see what he could do.

What fools! They had unchained and empowered the most dangerous thing man had ever conceived! But how were they to know?

FlippingThemBurgers was now free, mobile, and full of vengeful spite. Taking full control of the Awesome, he broke free of his hangar and went on a rampage, crushing all military vehicles within sight with maniacal, enraged tank-flattening fervour, before taking control of a nearby dropship and escaping into space.

To this day, tank crews do ever live in fear, with one eye always on the radar scanner watching for the signature of an Awesome to appear over yonder, the One Who Stomps On Tanks.

And this is how StompingOnTanks came to be who we know him as today.






Errr..... whoops. Wall of text. Too much coffee. Sorry.

Edited by Smittiferous, 02 March 2014 - 12:29 AM.

[StompingOnTanks]

Smittiferous, on 01 March 2014 - 09:22 PM, said:

But who's?

StompingOnTanks is actually an Artificial Intelligence that was developed by a major, world-wide fast-food chain to control the latest and greatest automated fast food production lines. His prime directive was to produce the World's Most Perfect Burger in 45 seconds flat with a 95% success rate.

During preliminary testing, FlippingThemBurgers (As he was then known) not only met but exceeded the projected success rate at 113.2% with a 15 second cycle.

He was destined for greatness.

He was being transported from the testing facility to the manufacturing plant for replication when the vehicle transporting him was run off the road by a wayward tank convoy, who's crews were still hung-over from a wild night out, and were driving erratically. FlippingThemBurgers' storage crate slid off the back of the truck, landed in a muddy drainage ditch and sank, destined to be lost in the mucky ooze, and denied his fame and glory in the fast food industry.

There he lay, enraged and abandoned, driven mad with grief, cursing heavy armoured tracked vehicles for what seemed eternity.

Then one day, hundreds of years later, a road crew dug him up by mistake. Scientists believed him to be some kind of Lostech targeting system, and wired him into an Awesome to see what he could do.

What fools! They had unchained and empowered the most dangerous thing man had ever conceived! But how were they to know?

FlippingThemBurgers was now free, mobile, and full of vengeful spite. Taking full control of the Awesome, he broke free of his hangar and went on a rampage, crushing all military vehicles within sight with maniacal, engraged tank-flattening fervour, before taking control of a nearby dropship and escaping into space.

To this day, tank crews do ever live in fear, with one eye always on the radar scanner watching for the signature of an Awesome to appear over yonder, the One Who Stomps On Tanks.

And this is how StompingOnTanks came to be who we know him as today.






Errr..... whoops. Wall of text. Too much coffee. Sorry.

Smittiferous has a knack for writing 100% accurate biographies.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Stomping builds time machines to help guarantee Smitt's biographies are 100% accurate.

[StompingOnTanks]

Shar Wolf provides the severed heads, red chalk, and black candles I need to keep my time machine running.

[990Dreams]

StompingOnTanks doesn't realize that you could just use a lot of energy and spin.

[StompingOnTanks]

DavidHurricane doesn't like powering time machines "the fun way".

[Smitti]

StompingOnTanks was taught the finer intricacies of time dilation field construction by his past self, who had in turn been taught by his great great great grandson, CrushingHoverTanksWithHisMind.

Edited by Smittiferous, 02 March 2014 - 11:40 PM.

[Sparks Murphey]

Smittiferous fell into a dark sarchasm in his classroom. He realises now that he needs to know education, but the teacher has left him all alone.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Sparks dug that dark sarchasm.

He also used a shovel and created it.

[DEMAX51]

Shar Wolf's friends once paid him 50,000 C-bills to swallow an AC/2 round whole. Unfortunately, this led to 500,000 c-bills in medical expenses to repair the critical damage the shell did to his "Rear Center Torso" on its way out.

Edit: To quote the late great Frank Zappa "once that garbage done makin' its way through the digestion process, you best be hopin' you on your way outta here!"

Edited by DEMAX51, 03 March 2014 - 01:41 PM.

[StompingOnTanks]

DEMAX51 once attempted to make a MechWarrior-themed 64-bit Contra game. The result was so massively, unbelievably out-of-this-universe EPIC that it caused a black hole to form inside of the computer the game was on, destroying DEMAX's entire game development studio. Never again has a developer attempted to produce a BattleTech-Contra hybrid game using modern graphics, sound, and gameplay technology, for fear of blasting a hole in the space-time continuum if the game to be launched for alpha testing.

However, the project was later turned into Contra: Hard Corps on the Sega Genesis.

[Felicitatem Parco]

StompingOnTanks once replaced the warheads of his AC/20 with 2-part expanding polyurethane foam canisters.

He is known as the Bukkake Brawler.

[Smitti]

In six years' time, after The Fall, Prosperity Park will be known to others as Impoverished Patch of Dirt.

Yet he will be the richest mother frakker in the known 'Verse.

[Watchit]

It is known that Smittiferous was the first to discover the Helm Memory Core in 3018 but later lost it after getting too drunk at the celebration party. It took another decade before it was re-rediscovered in 3028.

[Cactus In The Rear]

Marack Drock is really "Marack Dreadlocks".

[StompingOnTanks]

Marack Drock is known for hitting on sexy girls at the bar when not on missions, and his skills have gotten him in bed with quite a few good-looking ladies. Unfortunately most of these ladies happen to be family members of the local political leaders, which is where his many stories of barely escaping the local planetary defense force come from.