3435 replies to this topic

[Nightmare1]

MarineTech has spent his entire life working in a crayon factory. Everyday, he uses an abundant number of Q-tips to clean the wax out of his ears. Each Q-tip goes into a wax-Q-tip separater which collects the wax and sends it to the crayon machine. Add a little color and voila! Instant Crayons. Millions of children use his crayons without ever knowing their true origin.

In a humorous turn of events, these crayons are all labeled "All natural."

[Sizzles]

Nightmares parents took the stairs away. Cuz he is grounded.

[Euklides]

Sizzles is a simple man, with simple joys.
He loves to sit on one specific spot and smell the fumes of vented coolant, the intrinsic burnt smell of actuator oil and the alcohol from the cleaning agent he is stubbornly using.

He sits there while all the other pilots gets riled up for solaris broadcasts and brushes that one spot of the right shoulder with his trusted old detergent to get away the new spots of dust. The sheen you see, it has to be just right.


One day an agent from the solaris arena visited the hangar were he and his beloved mech resides, he among many other pilots and mechs. To find new aspiring candidates for the arena, to hopefully dislodge the fearsome champion that still reigns supreme.

Sizzles did of course pay this highly regarded person no attention, unlike his fellow mercenary pilots.
All he did was polish the metal of that spot that didn't quite reflect the light as it should.

The other pilots were all over the agent and his following, showing their mechs and exploits in previous engagements.
They all had wonderful modifications and questionable uses.
It was not until they came to the hangar deck that Sizzles shared with a dozen others that he merely looked up upon this following for a second before he went back to rubbing the dimly green metal for a nice polish.

The riled up group went over the mechs and their pilots from the entrance, Sizzles was sitting on his mech that was second to last. They went over a griffin, a vindicator, a cataphrac and even a newly acquired timber wolf made from spoils of war. All of their pilots boasting feats and rehearsing specification that they thought would impress this agent and his cortège.
Seemingly unphased this esteemed guest moved on.

They came to Sizzles, the pilots sharing the same deck quieted down, they knew Sizzles hushed demeanour and wished to simply carry on and not disturb him, there was after all one more mech and pilot, the last on this hangar deck that actually was interested in joining.
But the agent, disturbed by the lack of attention and recongnizion by Sizzled lingered, the atmosphere went from excited to deathly quiet.
After for what felt like a small ice age for everyone(besides Sizzles), the agent theatrically cleared his throat a couple of times until he, a bit forcefully asked loudly:

"And who might you be?"

Sizzles recognizing the silence that was followed by the question looked up.

"Sizzle and you?" He said calmly before looking down upon his mech and that eternal speck that just didn't go away.

"I am an agent from the solaris arena, I am here to find a new candidate." the agent said, trying to gain eye contact.

"Ah, I see" Sizzle said, not even looking up.

"Pay me no heed, I am a simple man with simple wishes, I only wish to sit here and smell the fumes and TO GET THIS FRICKING DUST SPECK OFF!..." He said while almost grinding the palm of his hand to dust with a piece of gnarled cloth against the harsh metal.

The agent backed up slightly surprised at Sizzles emotion over what clearly was a very clean hunchback, with no perceivable dust-specks at all.
The group continued to the last mech of the hangar deck; a Victor, the fervour that was in the group was not quite were it was before they visited Sizzles.


A couple of weeks later, the commander of this mercenary band came to Sizzles while he was caressing that right shoulder.
The financial situation was not as good as the commander has hoped, but he had gotten an offer that he could not refuse.
Sizzles accepted, one of many operations he thought this would be no different, even the prize was almost something worth fighting for.

"One litre of vintage car polish, they don't even make that kind of good s-hit(LOL, censorship) any more." He thought to himself as he sat there on the hunch of his hunchie and mused.

"Maybe with that I can get this EVIL MOTE OF DIRT OFF!"

Edit: spelling and what's with this censorship, we are on the internet do we really think that we are going to shield some kind of virgin eyes for alternative words for crap, sexual organs and intercourse used in entirely different contexts, giving them entirely different meaning?

Edited by Euklides, 17 January 2016 - 12:09 PM.

[Domoneky]

This is Euklides ringtone on his phone.

[Nightmare1]

Domoneky ain't right in the head.

[Sparks Murphey]

Nightmare1, on 25 January 2016 - 11:35 AM, said:

I blame you for the Fun Fact Thread being deserted.

I didn't do it, guv, I swear!

It's this guy, Nightmare1, see. Only, he's not really a guy, more like a ghost! He convinced us all that the Fun Fact Thread would be safer in his Nightmare-Cave, which some of us thought sounded pretty suss, 'cause who knows what's be up there, y'know? Anyway, turns out he's got it under lock and key so it's pretty safe after all. And the turrets are pretty shiny, too. I got to poking around in there while the others were busy watching Domoneky get his head inspected, and I disturbed a nest of vampire bats. Who keeps bats in a nightmare cave? Anyways, one bit me, and now I can't cross running water, I'm petrified of garlic, and can't enter threads without being invited, or unless I really want to. I think the others might have gotten bit, too.

So, uh, everyone else? You're all invited back to the Fun Facts Thread.

[Nightmare1]

Sparks Murphey, on 25 January 2016 - 06:35 PM, said:

I didn't do it, guv, I swear!

It's this guy, Nightmare1, see. Only, he's not really a guy, more like a ghost! He convinced us all that the Fun Fact Thread would be safer in his Nightmare-Cave, which some of us thought sounded pretty suss, 'cause who knows what's be up there, y'know? Anyway, turns out he's got it under lock and key so it's pretty safe after all. And the turrets are pretty shiny, too. I got to poking around in there while the others were busy watching Domoneky get his head inspected, and I disturbed a nest of vampire bats. Who keeps bats in a nightmare cave? Anyways, one bit me, and now I can't cross running water, I'm petrified of garlic, and can't enter threads without being invited, or unless I really want to. I think the others might have gotten bit, too.

So, uh, everyone else? You're all invited back to the Fun Facts Thread.

ROFL

Sparks is special. He understands me.

He also once beat a Barracuda in an underwater hold-your-breath contest.

Now, let the others reenter, if they dare.

Edited by Nightmare1, 25 January 2016 - 06:38 PM.

[XphR]

Nightmare1 knows how to tickle a barracuda in the most untimely of way and often to their dismay. Causing them to loose often at shows of bravado or displays of tenacity.

[Sparks Murphey]

XphR left a cleverly concealed crate of nuclear-tipped Long Tom shells inside a Bulldog MBT, which is why we haven't seen StompingOnTanks for over a month.

[Sizzles]

Sparks sprayed PAM all over the ladder on my 'Mech. He thought he was being sneaky.

Little does he know, I only use the gantry lift, for I am fat and lazy.

Edit: *Continues eating smoked ribs*

Edited by Sizzles, 28 January 2016 - 07:52 PM.

[MarineTech]

Sizzles is fat and lazy.

Mostly from eating too many smoked ribs.

And Iothil. I'm pretty sure he ate Iothil.

(Sorry Sizzles, but you brought that upon yourself. I couldn't resist the set up.)

[Angus McFife VI]

MarineTech browses the darknet for hours on a trek for videos his secret fetish but never finds what he wants.

Edited by Dont LRM me please, 30 January 2016 - 10:55 AM.

[wanderer]

Dont LRM me please actually has a NARC beacon wired into a permament power feed next to his Atlas left upper leg actuator.

He also ingests three times the normal suggested amount of sodium to help keep his blood pressure at normal human levels.

[Bespoke Cheese Cake]

wanderer is an advocate for Flamers with 1000 meter range. When asked why the only response we got was "I'm a pro sniper".

[GLaDOSauR]

Bespoke Cheese Cake likes Minecraft more than Mechwarrior. Let the tar and feathering commence.

[Sparks Murphey]

GLaDOSauR ate Bespoke Cheese Cake while no one was looking.

[MarineTech]

Unbeknownst to Sparks Murphey, his present home is directly in the invasion path from Kangaroo Island.

The wildlife on the island has banded together to assault the mainland, stepping off from Snapper Point. They have enlisted the assistance of local rock lobsters and sea lions to act as military sea-lift capacity while the local Ligurian Bee and Glossy Black Cockatoo populations will be acting as air support.

Sparks is pretty well screwed.

Edited by MarineTech, 01 February 2016 - 07:38 AM.

[XphR]

MarineTech was wearing a skin tight sea lion costume with a puppet of a bee on one hand and a cockatoo on the other, as he pecked away at his keyboard, headbanging to Rock Lobster while entering his post. The view, whilst comical, did cause two of my AI driven spy drones to permanently self disable. A third drone managed to continue its relay however, its aperture is now frozen in the fully dilated position and its text relay repeats as follows for the last hour "But..., But..., But...?". Ive dispatched a repair and recovery team. The replacement team will be much harder to field as the remaining drones are all opting out of service for his area.

[Nightmare1]

XphR, on 01 February 2016 - 08:31 AM, said:

MarineTech was wearing a skin tight sea lion costume with a puppet of a bee on one hand and a cockatoo on the other, as he pecked away at his keyboard, headbanging to Rock Lobster while entering his post. The view, whilst comical, did cause two of my AI driven spy drones to permanently self disable. A third drone managed to continue its relay however, its aperture is now frozen in the fully dilated position and its text relay repeats as follows for the last hour "But..., But..., But...?". Ive dispatched a repair and recovery team. The replacement team will be much harder to field as the remaining drones are all opting out of service for his area.

XphR tries to protect me from things I don't want to see, but fails miserably since he still doesn't realize that painting a picture of them with words is just as bad as actually seeing the real deal.

[MarineTech]

Nightmare asked his physician if it was OK to take a belt sander to his brain to remove certain mental images...

His doctor told him.