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Non-Combat Tips (Parody List)


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#421 IraqiWalker

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Posted 07 May 2014 - 10:37 AM

719. While set ablaze by flamers, falling on the ground and rolling won't really help with anything, save dent and clog important parts of your mech with dust, rocks, and other debris. Your Mechbay engineers will love that.

720. The Hallowed PS1 and PS2 devices are Lostech nowadays, so wherever Commander stomping got his hands on these, is a mystery. However, I believe scientists from across the Inner Sphere would like to examine them. Especially those guys at the NAIS. Real pesky about it.

#422 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 07 May 2014 - 10:42 AM

View PostIraqiWalker, on 07 May 2014 - 10:37 AM, said:

719. While set ablaze by flamers, falling on the ground and rolling won't really help with anything, save dent and clog important parts of your mech with dust, rocks, and other debris. Your Mechbay engineers will love that.

720. The Hallowed PS1 and PS2 devices are Lostech nowadays, so wherever Commander stomping got his hands on these, is a mystery. However, I believe scientists from across the Inner Sphere would like to examine them. Especially those guys at the NAIS. Real pesky about it.


We can manufacture practical 50-foot tall, 100-ton humanoid fighting robots but not PS2s? I am not sure whether to be amazed or saddened.

721. ...Okay, okay. You guys CAN keep Ape Escape 1 and 2. I never liked them much.

#423 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 07 May 2014 - 10:42 AM

View PostIraqiWalker, on 07 May 2014 - 10:37 AM, said:

719. While set ablaze by flamers, falling on the ground and rolling won't really help with anything, save dent and clog important parts of your mech with dust, rocks, and other debris. Your Mechbay engineers will love that.

The book Ghost Bear (I think was the title)

First chapter has an "Elite" D-Combine Atlas total his mech in fear of a single Elemental (who he had swatted away and knocked unconscious) by doing about that.

"I cannot see him! He must be behind me!" <throws himself backwards - smashing all the armor off his rear>

#424 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 07 May 2014 - 10:51 AM

View PostShar Wolf, on 07 May 2014 - 10:42 AM, said:

The book Ghost Bear (I think was the title)

First chapter has an "Elite" D-Combine Atlas total his mech in fear of a single Elemental (who he had swatted away and knocked unconscious) by doing about that.

"I cannot see him! He must be behind me!" <throws himself backwards - smashing all the armor off his rear>


722. If an Elemental attaches himself to your Battlemech, flopping to the ground and doing the worm is highly advised - not because you'll throw him off, but because Elementals secretly dream of becoming dolphin riders. By allowing him to live his secret dreams, you can befriend him.

#425 IraqiWalker

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Posted 07 May 2014 - 12:47 PM

723. If it was made more than 200 years ago, it's a safe bet it's probably Lostech by now. So guard it well.

724. Cockpitting an enemy pilot is great. Cockpitting your CO from behind, isn't

#426 Nathan Foxbane

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Posted 07 May 2014 - 08:53 PM

View PostShar Wolf, on 07 May 2014 - 10:42 AM, said:

The book Ghost Bear (I think was the title)

First chapter has an "Elite" D-Combine Atlas total his mech in fear of a single Elemental (who he had swatted away and knocked unconscious) by doing about that.

"I cannot see him! He must be behind me!" <throws himself backwards - smashing all the armor off his rear>

Test of Vengence. And he failed to kill the elemental with a punch. Just ruined the power armor and snapped right arm off his Atlas when it fell. Then he failed to kill the elemental a second time by dropping supine. The Tai-i did not survive long enough to get in a third attack. Considering Jake Kabrinski later became a khan (just not to the clan he was born into) it is not all that surprising.

725. Breaking your unit's budget customizing your 'Mech is frowned upon.
726. Anti-air exercises with your unit's aerospace and conventional air assets is encouraged. Live fire anti-air exercises are only for those crazy Clanners.

#427 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 08 May 2014 - 07:36 PM

727. While we are totally cool with you having a 5-foot-wide tarantula pet from that random swamp planet we raided, please keep it in its designated room. Out here on the Periphery, shotgun ammo is really expensive.
728. AK-47s are NOT Lostech, even if they are more reliable than anything we're currently producing.
728a. Regardless of tech base any functional Super Nintendos are F*CKING GOLD. Same goes for other consoles of its era.

#428 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 08 May 2014 - 07:57 PM

View PostStompingOnTanks, on 08 May 2014 - 07:36 PM, said:

728a. Regardless of tech base any functional Super Nintendos are F*CKING GOLD. Same goes for other consoles of its era.

That is a rather awkward mental image - wouldn't that damage the system?!

#429 StompingOnTanks

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Posted 08 May 2014 - 08:26 PM

View PostShar Wolf, on 08 May 2014 - 07:57 PM, said:

That is a rather awkward mental image - wouldn't that damage the system?!


The worst that could happen is a gold-plated Super Nintendo.

Besides, Super Nintendos are indestructible. http://www.gamespot....g-lik-26515099/

If anything, it's the gold you should be worried about.

#430 Nova Latios Storm

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Posted 15 May 2014 - 01:18 AM

Ok what you do is...have 1 armor on everything and put lots of energy weapons PPC's/LLasers etc and make sure you have minimuem "single" heat sinks must be single! Or it will not work! Run the smallest engin you can slower the mech the stronger it is.

#431 wanderer

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Posted 15 May 2014 - 03:15 AM

Well, that IS one way to be non-combat in a hurry...

#432 Son of the Flood

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Posted 16 May 2014 - 02:04 PM

729. Don't fire until you see the whites of their eyes.
730. Keep your powder dry.
731. One if by land, two if by sea.
732. If you get into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl and once like a screech owl for reinforcements.

#433 CyclonerM

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Posted 17 May 2014 - 07:33 AM

733. Using the power stored in your Gauss Rifle's collectors to recharge your Iphone is not a correct procedure.

Edited by CyclonerM, 17 May 2014 - 07:33 AM.


#434 Cactus In The Rear

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Posted 17 May 2014 - 08:57 AM

734. Using your Cyclone powers to power it via turbine is ok though.

#435 Tustle

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Posted 19 May 2014 - 10:16 PM

735. Labeling the firing buttons and triggers of your mech's weapon groups is suggested for rookie Mechwarriors. That does not, however, make pasting such labels as "kill all the pirates," "kill all the ninjas with excessive force," "kill annoying flying things," or "completely destroy the city in amusing ways" on them a particularly good idea.

736. The phrase "any plan where you lose your hat is a bad plan" still applies in your mech's cockpit; The Neurohelmet™ totally counts as a hat.

737. Mercenary and rookie [Tank Man] is no longer allowed to communicate with the techs; while replacing the four arm-mounted medium lasers on the company's 4SP with two ER-Large lasers was a good idea, there are some techs who have developed a "mad scientist" complex from hanging around him too long.

#436 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 10:11 AM

View PostMarack Drock, on 24 May 2014 - 06:31 AM, said:

(I am in a bad mood. Friend was killed, GF left me, and now my Cat is missing).

Zen hugs. :ph34r:

How you cope with something like that depends largely on how your brain functions and interprets things, so I cannot give any real advice on coping with it (my brain does not interpret things anywhere near 'normal')

Blowing stuff up can sometimes be good therapy though (depending.... of course)

#437 IraqiWalker

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 11:10 AM

View PostMarack Drock, on 24 May 2014 - 06:31 AM, said:

738. Life is ****, and there are many layers of ****. What you must do is find the layer of **** that suits you best and then that is your ****.

(I am in a bad mood. Friend was killed, GF left me, and now my Cat is missing).


I am sorry to hear that. I can relate a bit to what you are going through (from Iraq, was there until 2007 when I became a refugee). All I can say is it F*****G sucks.

#438 Cactus In The Rear

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 12:00 PM

739. Post here more often and if you see someone not posting here then glue them to their chair until they post.

#439 GrandLocomon

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 06:38 PM

740. Don't ask what all the buttons do in your cockpit. No one knows.
741. Don't randomly press the buttons to test what they do. The last guy who did legged himself. Not his mech, himself.
742. Removal of the buttons and sysmtems associated causes the mech to be non-functional, so we have to put those damn lostech buttons in there. Sorry, lostech is like that!
743. You can't use your 3rd person probe to scout ahead for you
744. It can't gather target data or spot for you
745. It can't act as a distraction, since it can't be destroyed
746. It can't be shot upward as a UAV
747. It doesn't do anything useful, other than the occasional peek around the corner, stop asking about the probe.
748. Stop laughing about probes.

Edited by GrandLocomon, 24 May 2014 - 06:38 PM.


#440 Alaskan Nobody

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Posted 24 May 2014 - 06:40 PM

View PostGrandLocomon, on 24 May 2014 - 06:38 PM, said:

748. Stop laughing about probes.

Why? :)





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