136 replies to this topic

[Samantha Rbnsn1990]

I suspect there's an as-yet-unidentified species of assault mech pilot known colliqually as the "Everyone-Is-Equal-Or-Heavier-Tonnage-Than-I".

Basically this species ignores enemy mechs lighter than himself and focuses only on slow moving targets. A lance of Urbanmechs closing in on him? Nope, ignore 'em, because that Kodillyak at 990m has to go down NOW.

[Colonel Presumptuous]

Cnaiur, on 10 April 2018 - 05:50 PM, said:

After a particularly special run of matches last night, I was motivated to put pen to paper and record the various magnificent specimens that can be found in our much loved Charlie lances.

1. Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Match

2. The Solo Yolo

3. The Master Tactician

4. The Lurmtato

5. The Boy Scout

6. Can’t Find W

7. The Diva

8. The Leader of Men

9. The Inebriate

10. The Bitter Vet

See as a player who does Assualt Mechs most of the time I kinda find some of these just a little insulting, mainly because 90% of the time all these 'types' of assault pilots are directly caused by the team. And assault pilot lives or dies by their team.

1. AFK discos happen, person goes afk for a half a minute while the match loads but gets distracted or is need in RL during this time... it happens to every one, shrug.

2. Often as an assault you see an opportunity to force a push, even from the get go... you go in thinking people will realize what your doing and alot of people tend to follow an assault going in, usually... unfortunately by the time you hit the no return point (which for an assault is basically once they have been our of cover for a couple of seconds) you find out your team stopped following you 5 seconds ago and you yourself are now thanks to being an assault unable to go back, so keep on going and hope to do as much dmg as possible before going down, and yes this is the teams fault. If an assault or two makes a push, back them the hell up.

3. If I see an opportunity to flank, ill do it even in an assault, everyone should be looking for a flanking opportunity, if they did the assault wouldn't be out there alone.

4. This is one of the only types that should be ridiculed, if ANY lurmer isnt with the group or able to get his own locks he's got no right to be lurming. ATM's are fine, a good ATM boating assault pilot can rip the limbs off the enemy or core em out in a single volley and as long as he's got some protection between him and the enemy he's a hell of an assest to keep alive.

5. Sometimes you just have hardpoints to spare and tonnage to fill em... bad builds are bad builds, nothing to do with type of mech.

6. Any team that out paces its assaults can get f'd, nascaring is BAD, especially if you have the good ground in a fight and nascar out of it leaving your assaults to get ***** from behind by the front of the enemy nascar... DONT NASCAR. Its not the assaults fault, its just that the assaults suffer the most from a stupid nascaring team so of coarse we'll complain the most about it, it aint fun being curb stomped by the enemy team because the rest of your team suddenly went off to chase the tail of the enemy team... a team that gets its assaults killed because of a nascar got the assaults killed pure and simple.

7. EVERYONE should be sharing armor and rotating out of the fight, also the Mediums and lights SHOULD be protecting and watching out for flanking and backstabbing lights hitting the friendly assaults. The assaults are the fulcrum of the group, they move the slowest have some of the biggest and more constant DPS so the team should be revolving around their movement.

8. Your really criticizing a guy taking leadership and giving out calls? If even one person does this your chance of winning grows by a hell of alot 99% of the time.

9. So ingame pre start banter is bad?

10. Been there done that, and yeah... they/I can be bitter, and often have a right to when game in and game out your the first or second guy to die in a match a minute into fighting (usually due to nascaring or being hit by lights your team ignores even when they are standing right next to you) and your team looses 10 drawn out minutes later and your somehow have top damage by 100 points, and 2-3 KMDD with the teams kills sitting at 2-3... yeah you can get bitter.

Support your damn assualts, if your a heavy, be close by the assualts, if your a medium be even closre by the assualts, if your a light.. meh go do something to harass the enemy. If your an Assualt, stick with your assualts and form teh basis of the fireing line... basicly support your damn assualts.

Most of all these 'types' hes described (bar the obviously bad ones) can be any mech any pilot, and are perfectly fine player types with one commonality that make them happen to end up being or sound like being bad... and that is a bad team or lack of support for the assualt. The OP just sounds like someone who hates assualt pilots, or is unable to work with them or blames everything on them if he looses. And if he himself is an assualt pilot i can tell you know he's been one of these 'types' on a regular basis himself, we all have and most of the time thats perfectly fine.

The best games im ever in as an Assualt is where the assualts get support, i get to share my armor, i dont get focused to hell and back because the group is together, uavs are being spoted and downed asap lights are causing the enemy team to spin in circles and i can unload my doom on them at a nice constant pace, either tearing armor and limbs to pieces or finnishing of a fleeing mech with a ton of fire power.

Support your god damn assualts.

Edited by Colonel Presumptuous, 12 April 2018 - 06:17 PM.

[Samantha Rbnsn1990]

Colonel Presumptuous, on 12 April 2018 - 06:16 PM, said:

See as a player who does Assualt Mechs most of the time I kinda find some of these just a little insulting, mainly because 90% of the time all these 'types' of assault pilots are directly caused by the team. And assault pilot lives or dies by their team.

1. AFK discos happen, person goes afk for a half a minute while the match loads but gets distracted or is need in RL during this time... it happens to every one, shrug.

2. Often as an assault you see an opportunity to force a push, even from the get go... you go in thinking people will realize what your doing and alot of people tend to follow an assault going in, usually... unfortunately by the time you hit the no return point (which for an assault is basically once they have been our of cover for a couple of seconds) you find out your team stopped following you 5 seconds ago and you yourself are now thanks to being an assault unable to go back, so keep on going and hope to do as much dmg as possible before going down, and yes this is the teams fault. If an assault or two makes a push, back them the hell up.

3. If I see an opportunity to flank, ill do it even in an assault, everyone should be looking for a flanking opportunity, if they did the assault wouldn't be out there alone.

4. This is one of the only types that should be ridiculed, if ANY lurmer isnt with the group or able to get his own locks he's got no right to be lurming. ATM's are fine, a good ATM boating assault pilot can rip the limbs off the enemy or core em out in a single volley and as long as he's got some protection between him and the enemy he's a hell of an assest to keep alive.

5. Sometimes you just have hardpoints to spare and tonnage to fill em... bad builds are bad builds, nothing to do with type of mech.

6. Any team that out paces its assaults can get f'd, nascaring is BAD, especially if you have the good ground in a fight and nascar out of it leaving your assaults to get ***** from behind by the front of the enemy nascar... DONT NASCAR. Its not the assaults fault, its just that the assaults suffer the most from a stupid nascaring team so of coarse we'll complain the most about it, it aint fun being curb stomped by the enemy team because the rest of your team suddenly went off to chase the tail of the enemy team... a team that gets its assaults killed because of a nascar got the assaults killed pure and simple.

7. EVERYONE should be sharing armor and rotating out of the fight, also the Mediums and lights SHOULD be protecting and watching out for flanking and backstabbing lights hitting the friendly assaults. The assaults are the fulcrum of the group, they move the slowest have some of the biggest and more constant DPS so the team should be revolving around their movement.

8. Your really criticizing a guy taking leadership and giving out calls? If even one person does this your chance of winning grows by a hell of alot 99% of the time.

9. So ingame pre start banter is bad?

10. Been there done that, and yeah... they/I can be bitter, and often have a right to when game in and game out your the first or second guy to die in a match a minute into fighting (usually due to nascaring or being hit by lights your team ignores even when they are standing right next to you) and your team looses 10 drawn out minutes later and your somehow have top damage by 100 points, and 2-3 KMDD with the teams kills sitting at 2-3... yeah you can get bitter.

Support your damn assualts, if your a heavy, be close by the assualts, if your a medium be even closre by the assualts, if your a light.. meh go do something to harass the enemy. If your an Assualt, stick with your assualts and form teh basis of the fireing line... basicly support your damn assualts.

Most of all these 'types' hes described (bar the obviously bad ones) can be any mech any pilot, and are perfectly fine player types with one commonality that make them happen to end up being or sound like being bad... and that is a bad team or lack of support for the assualt. The OP just sounds like someone who hates assualt pilots, or is unable to work with them or blames everything on them if he looses. And if he himself is an assualt pilot i can tell you know he's been one of these 'types' on a regular basis himself, we all have and most of the time thats perfectly fine.

The best games im ever in as an Assualt is where the assualts get support, i get to share my armor, i dont get focused to hell and back because the group is together, uavs are being spoted and downed asap lights are causing the enemy team to spin in circles and i can unload my doom on them at a nice constant pace, either tearing armor and limbs to pieces or finnishing of a fleeing mech with a ton of fire power.

Support your god damn assualts.

Are you a leader of a unit, and if so may I join?

[Mister Glitchdragon]

Colonel Presumptuous, on 12 April 2018 - 06:16 PM, said:

See as a player who does Assualt Mechs most of the time I kinda find some of these just a little insulting

You make many good points. As others have pointed out, this is a total shitpost. But its a funny one, so just laugh along.

[Throe]

I just saw a Bitter Vet. I'm sure of it, even though I didn't get a chance to check his performance, because his voice was there and gone too quickly and he never spoke any other time during the match. His only comment: "You guys suck..." in a calm but disappointed tone.

[Alan Hicks]

The post is epic, someone make the visual visual version of that taxonomy, including clan or IS faction distribution.

Oh poor assaults, they are the lovely underdogs now, thank their amazing and latest enhancement by PGI, the incredibly scientific engine d-sync. I wonder if they actually sit around on how to make this game always worse than it was.

I still use some of them, I don't care about what may go wrong or good on any match anymore.

[Kiiyor]

Cnaiur, on 10 April 2018 - 05:50 PM, said:

The Bitter Vet

This pilot has low expectations of his teammates, but still manages to get disappointed. Is usually in a sensibly built mech and among his team’s top performers. Not that it helps.

Battle Cry: “Carry harder I guess.” or “WTF is WRONG with you people?!?”

Also characterized by a complete lack of tooth enamel from constant, furious grinding, which is also usually audible over comms.

I'd also like to add:

The charismatic caller.

Someone who attempts to call a fight, and is likable or sensible enough to encourage that most rare of PUG phenomena; people actually following their instructions, and usually winning.

They're never on your team.

[drifter bob]

Kiiyor, on 13 April 2018 - 01:54 AM, said:

Also characterized by a complete lack of tooth enamel from constant, furious grinding, which is also usually audible over comms.

I'd also like to add:

The charismatic caller.

Someone who attempts to call a fight, and is likable or sensible enough to encourage that most rare of PUG phenomena; people actually following their instructions, and usually winning.

They're never on your team.

oh man i remember a match i had back on old forest colony where we had this ddc atlas pilot before the match say "Me atlas me brawl now" to which i replied "me follow" anyhow the atlas went right down the middle of forest colony with me and the rest of the team behind him and just plowed through the enemy team

[Kiiyor]

drifter bob, on 13 April 2018 - 02:20 AM, said:

oh man i remember a match i had back on old forest colony where we had this ddc atlas pilot before the match say "Me atlas me brawl now" to which i replied "me follow" anyhow the atlas went right down the middle of forest colony with me and the rest of the team behind him and just plowed through the enemy team

The 'Back-in-the-day Atlas Rush' was always awesome. Remember when a DDC loaded with an AC20 and SRM's was something to inspire sheer, naked terror? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

[drifter bob]

Kiiyor, on 13 April 2018 - 02:24 AM, said:

The 'Back-in-the-day Atlas Rush' was always awesome. Remember when a DDC loaded with an AC20 and SRM's was something to inspire sheer, naked terror? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

haha yeah and how everyone used to gather round the atlas an ecm assault was something to behold

[Athom83]

Kiiyor, on 13 April 2018 - 02:24 AM, said:

The 'Back-in-the-day Atlas Rush' was always awesome. Remember when a DDC loaded with an AC20 and SRM's was something to inspire sheer, naked terror? Pepperidge Farm remembers.

A MRM60 + UAC/20 Atlas these days tears apart enemy Assault mechs even faster than that build. Its only less effective against smaller mediums and light mechs because MRMs are like throwing confetti at them.

[LowSubmarino]

You forgot the biggest army. The by far biggest group of QP players.

The ones completly oblivious of nascar, falling behind getting masscared time and again over and over again.

That is by far, prolly 30 - 40 % of the QP players. Thats so many that die to that, falling behind landing right in team reds main nascar train dying in nanoseconds.

That must be tens of thousands of players. Prolly more.

[Spare Parts Bin]

LowSubmarino, on 13 April 2018 - 04:55 AM, said:

You forgot the biggest army. The by far biggest group of QP players.

The ones completly oblivious of nascar, falling behind getting masscared time and again over and over again.

That is by far, prolly 30 - 40 % of the QP players. Thats so many that die to that, falling behind landing right in team reds main nascar train dying in nanoseconds.

That must be tens of thousands of players. Prolly more.

We have all been there. I love to find those folks as red Doritos, they are good for damage,components destroyed, kills or at least kill most damage done.

[BrotherEJ]

Well this is a great thread! If you are gonna be honest, we all fall, into everyone of these categories, regardless of mech class. I have been playing this game since '12 solo drops only, (mainly assault) I see the same thing happen every match. I think as **** post go, this one has been done, over and over again thru the years. The only downside to **** posts like this is they tend to influence new players, in a negative way. By reading the OP's (very clever) categories, he perpetuates the real problem of people just finding a hiding space, and do nothing.

When I see the Armored Hens hunkered down, in their happy place, it's time to go YOLO!!! I play everyday and I do not care what the team does. If the team is hiding, I will go and show them, where the enemy is, pop some uav's and grind some damage. Once I am dead, if the team looks like, they're fighters and not Armored Hens, I type advice. I try not to be negative or personal with advice. I don't use a mic because, I wouldn't be able to hear my music. There is a great non verbal communication system built into the game, learn it, love it, use it.

Here is something for you all to try. Follow the YOLO. You will be surprised at how much cbills you can farm off of me tanking damage for you, but don't get too close, because right before I die, I am dropping air strikes!!!

Cheers see you in game!!!!

[Astrocanis]

UnofficialOperator, on 10 April 2018 - 08:53 PM, said:

TIL enfilading fire

Defilade is usually better as you can bring more firepower to bear and it's harder for the enemy to avoid. Enfilade can cause a lot of friendly fire issues.

Kiiyor, on 13 April 2018 - 01:54 AM, said:

Also characterized by a complete lack of tooth enamel from constant, furious grinding, which is also usually audible over comms.

I'd also like to add:

The charismatic caller.

Someone who attempts to call a fight, and is likable or sensible enough to encourage that most rare of PUG phenomena; people actually following their instructions, and usually winning.

They're never on your team.

That made me giggle.

[dimachaerus]

You forgot some:

Deathstalkerus Walletwarriorus

Always Stalkin, all the time. It is -THE- Mech, all others pale in comparison. Constantly derides the whole team to "git gud" or "get on my level". Will explode into fits of profanity laden gibbering when the team loses, they KNOW that they are the best there ever was and their 600 damage (mostly skillsmoke) proves it, even though their aim wobbled so bad they only got two kills. They also tend to overlap into a second category as well:

Cockblockus Chokepoint-Chocker

The guy. That one GUY who just absolutely, CANNOT be exposed to enemy fire for more than 0.0003 seconds. He must absolutely, fire at the enemy and immediately slam it into reverse at the first sign that the enemy may think of firing at him... despite how much his wide *** will block the rest of the team from moving forward to actually get to the enemy. Situational awareness? Pfah! that's for lesser beings, only puny mortals in light mechs need that. When exhorted to either push or get outta the way, becomes highly offended.

[Eisenhorne]

dimachaerus, on 13 April 2018 - 08:21 AM, said:

Cockblockus Chokepoint-Chocker

The guy. That one GUY who just absolutely, CANNOT be exposed to enemy fire for more than 0.0003 seconds. He must absolutely, fire at the enemy and immediately slam it into reverse at the first sign that the enemy may think of firing at him... despite how much his wide *** will block the rest of the team from moving forward to actually get to the enemy. Situational awareness? Pfah! that's for lesser beings, only puny mortals in light mechs need that. When exhorted to either push or get outta the way, becomes highly offended.

Often confused with the Bitter Vet, when he is not blocking a choke and tries to retreat to cover only to find a teammate in a medium with SRM's decided to stand behind him while he was poking out to fire at targets ~500 meters away. The SRM medium, while completely ineffective at this range, has decided he must also try to trade this corner, for reasons explicable only to him.

[dimachaerus]

Eisenhorne, on 13 April 2018 - 08:26 AM, said:

Often confused with the Bitter Vet, when he is not blocking a choke and tries to retreat to cover only to find a teammate in a medium with SRM's decided to stand behind him while he was poking out to fire at targets ~500 meters away. The SRM medium, while completely ineffective at this range, has decided he must also try to trade this corner, for reasons explicable only to him.

Also overlaps with one I saw the other day in a Fatlas screaming over comms at a mostly melted, burning Mist Lynx to "Get out from behind that building! Only assaults are supposed to be able to use those buildings!" May be a new species or some kind of mutation, not sure. Map was Frozen City, suggesting some form of cold adaptation?

Edited by dimachaerus, 13 April 2018 - 08:34 AM.

[Nightbird]

Hahaha can't spell Assault without A$$.

[Jman5]

Quote

The Master Tactician

Like a salmon swimming upstream to spawn, this enigmatic pilot is driven by unknowable impulses to wander off alone on what, assuming he deigns to explain at all, will only be described as “flanking maneuvers”. The vast majority of the time he dies a horrible death surrounded by countless enemy lights and mediums. Once in a great while, his erratic perambulations will result in a fresh assault mech utterly surprising a battered and pinned down opfor resulting in great destruction. But usually he just dies horribly.

Battle Cry: “The team abandoned me!”

Ugh, these can be the most annoying opponents. When an assault is in a place he really should not be. A random spot, by himself, for no real reason other than that he's screwed up somehow. You turn a corner and suddenly a random Heavy Gauss Annihilator is just standing there staring at you. He isn't going to live for much longer, but he's probably going to take you with him.

It's like when you play poker with someone who doesn't understand the game, but they beat you every once in a while through extraordinary blind luck. Then they give you that smug f*cking smile like they're so clever.