915 replies to this topic

[StompingOnTanks]

Reconius, on 22 February 2014 - 10:00 AM, said:

Whatever Number it is.) Getting Killed by an Urbanmech in Any Situation ever will be rewarded with an Assortment of Gold Medals and a Bowl of Captain Crunch.

2.)Tarantula Pilots are Not Allowed to Split off Form Colonies of 6-18 in any Nearby Cave.

3.) Hollanders Without any Limbs Cannot be Referred to as "Baseball Bats"

332. Captain Crunch is Lostech. We not haz it.

[MnDragon]

StompingOnTanks, on 22 February 2014 - 08:07 PM, said:

332. Captain Crunch is Lostech. We not haz it.

333. Crunch grew up in a sibko and was the last surviving member of his sibko. He is now Star Captain Crunch and Crunch is a bloodname.

[GrandLocomon]

334. Don't bother asking for 1/2 a ton of ammo to use up that spare tonnage. No technician in the known universe can figure out how to put 1/2 ton of ammo in your mech. Fractions are lostech.

335. Similarly, there are no engines rated to anything other than numbers divisible by 5. This is because all techs have an OCD, and since we can't figure out how to make engines, you'll just have to work around it.

336. When the scientists and technicians refer to 'lostech' it usually means lost technology that no one understands how it works. Sometimes it means 'we can't be bothered explaining it to you'.

[MnDragon]

MnDragon, on 22 February 2014 - 09:14 PM, said:

333. Crunch grew up in a sibko and was the last surviving member of his sibko. He is now Star Captain Crunch and Crunch is a bloodname.

[Dexter Herbivore]

337. Yes we know you pilot a Firestarter, no you are not allowed to light the barbecue.

[B0oN]

338: Yes, we know the firestarter can start fires ( ) , so stop trying to turn wolds with your Atlas already, will you ?

[StompingOnTanks]

339. No, the Atlas cannot lift up the world, but it can lift up a 75 ton Heavy mech just fine. Keep your distance.

[B0oN]

340: Atlants (Atlai) were not constructed going about and tossing enemy mechs back into their lances, but do not raise the ire of an Atlas pilot as he just might try it .
Consider yourselves warned or get thrown by an Atlas !

Edited by Rad Hanzo, 25 February 2014 - 12:06 AM.

[Dexter Herbivore]

341. Playing 20th century music by some group called Prodigy while piloting your Firestarter is too distracting and is forbidden.

[xCico]

342: if you will pilot locust, atleast dont be in my team. Keep playing.

[SnagaDance]

343: Painting your mech red will not 'make it go fastah'.

[MnDragon]

344. XL engines do not come with cold air induction, blowers, turbo chargers or any other "performance" modifications. Yes they make your mech faster, no you will not be able to add any of that to look "Bawz"
345. You mech comes equipped with high-tech Myomer strands for actuating your legs. Do not ask the maintenance chief if you can install hydraulics to "drop your ride"
346. Putting loud exhausts manifolds on the heat dissipation ports to make your mech sound "tuned" is not tactical and makes you sound like an idiot.
347. No, NO₂ injection will not make a fusion engine go faster.
348. The only mech authorized to have "mech nuts" hanging from the CT is an Atlas.

Edited by MnDragon, 25 February 2014 - 11:14 AM.

[DEN_Ninja]

357. Despite numerous memorandums, Veteran Pilots continue to fire their AC/20's next to Green PIlots, to "spook them". This is a waste of ammo. Technicians reminded me to tell the Veteran Pilots to fix their mechbay roof.

Edited by Tichorius Davion, 25 February 2014 - 10:50 AM.

[StompingOnTanks]

358. Any weapon capable of dealing significant damage to a WarShip is too large to be mounted on a BattleMech. Stop asking for AC/40 Hunchbacks, please.
389. "We need to compete with the BoomJagers!" is not a valid reason to attempt mounting an AC/40 on your Hunchback, either.
390. When attempting to gain the trust of the population of a recently invaded city, you are permitted to give children ice cream, chocolates, or whatever other candies you may have if you wish. This does NOT mean you may stomp your Stalker around town in a white, red, and pink paint scheme while playing ice cream truck jingles.
391. Catapults cannot be loaded with soda rockets. Attempting to do so will jam the launchers and will result in you having to unjam and clean your launchers, by hand.
392. Attempting to go through a fast food drive in a BattleMech may be humorous to you, but I can guarantee your company commander won't find it nearly as funny.
393. You DO NOT have to sword fight EVERY ENEMY UNIT YOU ENCOUNTER just because you pilot a Kuritan mech.

Edited by StompingOnTanks, 26 February 2014 - 05:14 AM.

[Alaskan Nobody]

19cico96, on 25 February 2014 - 01:20 AM, said:

342: if you will pilot locust, atleast dont be in my team.

[xCico]

Shar Wolf, on 25 February 2014 - 03:09 PM, said:

Im just kidding, its a troll thread

[B0oN]

394: Refrain from headbanging your Mech to fast music as last survivor, viewers might experience severe nausea .
395: If music is distracting you from fighting, crank up the music´s volume until distractions go away .

[Hex Pallett]

Hey there's been a lack of sex-related rules lately! I'll fix that.

396: While painting ferocious animals onto a 'Mech has a long history, painting pink tentacles on your Dragon is inappropriate, and does not make it look "at home" despite its Kuritan origin.

397: It's especially inappropriate to do so on other people's Dragon. Even more so when the pilot is female.

398: Certain Battlemechs have large, horizontally flat surfaces (Hunchback's hunch, Dragon's nose, etc.). However, lying on top of it - as well as various other activities that requires lying down - is not suggested, and insurance will not cover any damage of your delicate - or less delicate - parts if you fall off.

Edited by Helmstif, 25 February 2014 - 05:07 PM.

[SnagaDance]

Wow, the numbers are truly getting borked so I'll just start using some of those that were skipped.

349: If a Bushwacker pilot is female it is inappropriate to ask if she drives it naked, has a zebra, what 'Eddy has done for her lately' and if 'Eddy gave her half'.

350: Announcing a retreat towards ones dropship should not be communicated as "Get back to the choppah!!".

[Scurry]

399. For the last time, the local Chinese take-away is not a Maskirovka hideout. We appreciate your vigilance, but "suspiciously accurate messages in a fortune cookie" is not a valid reason.

400. When serving on the Steiner border, please refrain from referring to assault lances as Steiner Scout Lances. There have been too many instances of command sending lances of Jenners and Panthers to deal with such threats.

401. Atlas pilots, please refrain from using Ravens as hockey sticks.