915 replies to this topic

[Rushin Roulette]

402. Although you have an ejector seat lever... dont use it. If you look up you will notice that there is no removable cockpit roof section. This means that any use of that lever will mean you will spend the rest of your life as an Oompa Loompa.

403. Once the Removeable part of the roof has been installed sometime in the future. Rule 402 applies for when your mech is standing in a cave, under a bridge or any obstruction such as a Higlander foot is above the cockpit emergency exit.

Edited by Rushin Roulette, 26 February 2014 - 12:06 PM.

[StompingOnTanks]

404. [NOT FOUND]
405. You may not use your mech's computers to run Combat Flight Simulator 3, even if "it runs perfectly!", nor may you use your battlemech's cockpit as a WWII fighter sim pit.

(Just found my copy of Combat Flight Simulator 3 this morning, pretty happy about it. )

[Tustle]

406. It is not necessary to count to three when deploying an air strike or artillery strike. It is also frowned upon to do so while shouting over comms, "One...two...five!"

407. If anyone responds to someone shouting "One...two...five!" with "Three sir!" the CO will be notified and there will be appropriate consequences applied to both pilots. Live-combat scenarios are not the time nor the place for these old Terra shenanigans, people.

408. Both 406 and 407 apply even during training scenarios. Don't even bother asking about this.

409. There will be no singing "I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay" while at the controls of a Hatchetman or Axeman. Besides, see 407.

410. It is very poor form to start singing the old Terra song "Still Alive" over all comm channels if your mech' still functions at the end of a sortie.

[StompingOnTanks]

Tank Man, on 26 February 2014 - 01:38 PM, said:

...

-Stares at with the burning hatred of a hundred thousand suns.-

=__=

[Alaskan Nobody]

411. StompingOnTanks and Tank Man are not to be in the same solar system together unsupervised.

Edited by Shar Wolf, 26 February 2014 - 05:20 PM.

[Tustle]

Shar Wolf, on 26 February 2014 - 05:19 PM, said:

411. StompingOnTanks and Tank Man are not to be in the same solar system together unsupervised.

Yes! The name worries me lots. O_O

StompingOnTanks, on 26 February 2014 - 04:46 PM, said:

-Stares at with the burning hatred of a hundred thousand suns.-

=__=

Loooooooooots. O____O

[Hex Pallett]

StompingOnTanks, on 26 February 2014 - 04:46 PM, said:

-Stares at with the burning hatred of a hundred thousand suns.-

=__=

I laughed out so loud when I saw that because all I could associate with that emoticon is this:


(best anime ever)

[StompingOnTanks]

412. Eating several orders of Taco Bell in an attempt to give yourself "personal jump jets" will not work. You will also be required to pay for your new uniform.

[Tustle]

StompingOnTanks, on 27 February 2014 - 08:23 AM, said:

412. Eating several orders of Taco Bell in an attempt to give yourself "personal jump jets" will not work. You will also be required to pay for your new uniform.

412 b. Loading several orders of Taco Bell into your mech's engine will not give it "jump jets" nor enhance performance either. The company is not responsible for any damage to yourself or to the mech; you will cover repairs and your own hospital stay.

[SteelyDan]

StompingOnTanks, on 26 February 2014 - 05:20 AM, said:

404. [NOT FOUND]

[Rogue Jedi]

413) Numbers before the hyphan in Battlemech designations DO NOT refer to model numbers so stop asking what happened to the AS1 through AS6
415) The same goes for the FS1 - FS8, the JR1 - JR6, the CN1-CN8, the JM1 - JM5 and all other Mechs
416) Just because the mech is called the Stalker does not mean your 85 ton assult mech moves silently, can easily conceal itself while hunting or can be used to follow someone you find attractive

Edited by Rogue Jedi, 27 February 2014 - 03:47 PM.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Rogue Jedi, on 27 February 2014 - 03:41 PM, said:

413) Numbers before the hyphan in Battlemech designations DO NOT refer to model numbers so stop asking what happened to the AS1 through AS6
415) The same goes for the FS1 - FS8 and the JR1 - JR6

News to me!
(I never did ask though)

[StompingOnTanks]

Rogue Jedi, on 27 February 2014 - 03:41 PM, said:

416) Just because the mech is called the Stalker does not mean your 85 ton assult mech moves silently, can easily conceal itself while hunting or can be used to follow someone you find attractive

You actually CAN use it to follow someone you find attractive, they'll just immediately know its you.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Marack Drock, on 27 February 2014 - 07:05 PM, said:

417) You are not allowed to facepalm when you hear your commander say Ost-anything.

FTFY

[StompingOnTanks]

418. You may not use tanks as roller skates by carefully standing on them of them and ordering them to move forward.

(Hey, tanks are good for some things. I can't be bothered with lousy infantry support jobs anyway.)

[Dexter Herbivore]

419. There will be no rules about illicit substances.
420. See rule 419.

[Tustle]

421. For ease of translation, additional sub-rules added by [Rookie Tinn Kann 'the Tank Man'] are henceforth placed in square [brackets].

421 b. [Rookie Tinn Kann] is not a reliable source of information. New pilots, please be aware that his fascination "FOR SCIENCE!" is to be taken with a grain of salt, and is in fact not an indication of his intelligence.

422. Do not use decommissioned fusion engines as weenie and marshmallow roasters. Just don't.

StompingOnTanks, on 04 February 2014 - 05:58 PM, said:

62. You are not to refer to XL Engines as "two more ways to die".

[62 b. You are also not permitted to refer to XL Engines as "Extra Large" engines no matter how accurate that moniker may be.]

[StompingOnTanks]

423. You are never to question why Autocannons aren't fully automatic. (Full auto AC/20s... Oh dear God... THE NIGHTMARES... MAKE THEM STOP!)
424. Any requests to make your humanoid mechs look more like anime mecha will not be accepted. (THIS... IS... BATTLETECH!)
425. You are not allowed to question why every single dropship you see is a Gazelle.
426. Arm-wrestling Elementals is not permitted. You will be required to pay the expenses of installing your new bionic arm.
427. Telling sex stories during combat missions is not permitted, our mechs run hot as it is.
428. Female pilots: It is okay to use scents or air fresheners in your BattleMech cockpits if you wish to. However, please keep it out of the male pilot's mechs, as the amount of fast food bags, beer cans, and stink they've built up in there is something they're actually proud of. Don't ask us why.
429. Sexual relations between military personnel is unprofessional and dangerous and will NOT be allowed. However, the 5th barracks is always empty and has plenty of lockable doors. Have fun.

[Tustle]

StompingOnTanks, on 28 February 2014 - 07:37 AM, said:

423. You are never to question why Autocannons aren't fully automatic. (Full auto AC/20s... Oh dear God... THE NIGHTMARES... MAKE THEM STOP!)

Shhhh...scary dude it's okay...the Rotary Autocannon 20 is still a lie. For now. ¬_¬

[StompingOnTanks]

Speaking of rotary things... http://www.sarna.net/wiki/Rotary_Laser

I wonder if these will be implemented into the game! They do come about during the Clan invasion.