915 replies to this topic

[Sparks Murphey]

771: Despite it's size, the head of an Atlas is incredibly tightly packed, with each piece of space carefully accounted for and equipment designed to fit particular shapes. As a result, no, you cannot move your cockpit to the right eye.

771a: This holds doubly true for the Commando.

[SethAbercromby]

772: Some Atlas designs (Founders) trade the right eye for an extra optical sensor array. You are not to refer to these as "pirates" and/or reqest an eyepatch to be painted over it. You are also not allowed to paint its body black to make it look like a "pirate flag". Despite the presense of IFF tags, we've got uniform paint scemes for a reason.

773: Despite its shape, a Stalker is not to referred to as a "blimp". Keep in mind that it is a highly capable 85 ton front line Assault 'Mech. Taunting the pilot is frowned upon by the CO and generally not advised.

774.1: Despite being referred to as a weapons platform, you are not allowed to strap any spare weapons onto a Stalker. Carry them yourselves or wait for resupply trucks to arrive.

774.2: Light pilots are also not allowed to jump onto a Stalker's back and claim to be a turret.

Edited by SethAbercromby, 20 July 2014 - 09:41 AM.

[StompingOnTanks]

744.3: For similar reasons, strapping tank turrets onto your mech's arms or body for the extra weaponry is not advised. Please be aware that this also confuses the IFF system on our Stomp Drone autonomous ProtoMechs and may result in a rather serious "kung-fu ass-whooping" (the actual quote by Commander Stomping).

[SnagaDance]

744.4: You cannot deploy a machine gun infantry platoon on your Stalkers back and claim they function as an extra AMS. The first missile that gets through the bullet hail will blow the poor ******** clean off. It gets even worse if you have actual AMS already installed as the system will NOT take intervening troopers into account for its firing solution.

[StompingOnTanks]

775. Any and all forms of alchemy are now banned on Stomping Command HQ premises. We've had far too many cases this month of MechWarriors who were dragged into the medical ward with arms and legs missing because they tried to transmutate an UrbanMech from ground-up Raven parts.

[Atlai]

StompingOnTanks, on 20 July 2014 - 01:43 PM, said:

775. Any and all forms of alchemy are now banned on Stomping Command HQ premises. We've had far too many cases this month of MechWarriors who were dragged into the medical ward with arms and legs missing because they tried to transmutate an UrbanMech from ground-up Raven parts.

776.

[Tustle]

StompingOnTanks, on 18 July 2014 - 06:27 PM, said:

783. All personnel located on Stomping Command HQ are required to post on the Non-Combat Tips thread at least once a month.
764.(?????) Just because you CAN spin your seat around during combat to get a quick 360 degree view, doesn't mean you need to do it constantly for the entire battle. Also, yelling "Wheeeeeeeee!" over open comms just clogs up the radios and distracts everyone from their mech-blasting. If you MUST spin in your seat, please do so with the radio off.

I think we lost count somewhere here...pretty sure we're on 797.
That being said.

797. Stop asking your fellow mercs where they're getting their Clanner 'mechs; if they say they bought them, they bought them!

797 b. No, we don't know how they got in contact with these 'Sea Foxes,' whoever they are. Nor do we know how these 'Sea Foxes' got their hands on these 'mechs in the first place.

798. We started calling them Ullers after the Norse god of archery for a reason. Quit trying to engage them in 'long range duels.' You'll lose something on your 'mech. Like an arm.

799. The Ultra Autocannon 20. Is not. A liiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeee. Ohhh the horror...the terrible terrible horror...

Edited by Tank Man, 21 July 2014 - 02:12 AM.

[Big Tin Man]

SnagaDance, on 19 July 2014 - 01:51 PM, said:

769. Holding up your hand actuator with an Atlas so a Jenner can hi-five it is just mean. You know they don't have hand actuators themselves, they don't even have lower arms, stop being a meanie.

769.1 It is also not advised to give a Jenner a pat on the rump after some good teamwork in taking down a clan mech. Odds are you'll knock the poor little thing to the ground no matter how gentle you work the arm.

769.2 Giving a 'bro fist' into the Jenner's face is also strictly prohibited.

Edited by Big Tin Man, 21 July 2014 - 08:09 AM.

[SnagaDance]

769.3 Chest bumping a Jenner is also strictly prohibited. With that jutting cockpit such a move becomes a DFA² (Death From Aside)

[CyclonerM]

770: Paying a clerk to know your Elo value is strictly forbidden. Any trasgressor will be punished by doing so much gymnastics he will grow muscles in his/her *******.

[IraqiWalker]

CyclonerM, on 21 July 2014 - 10:55 AM, said:

770: Paying a clerk to know your Elo value is strictly forbidden. Any trasgressor will be punished by doing so much gymnastics he will grow muscles in his/her *******.

I'm actually more disturbed by the last word being censored. My imagination is running wild, and not in a good way!

[Atlai]

IraqiWalker, on 21 July 2014 - 05:38 PM, said:

I'm actually more disturbed by the last word being censored. My imagination is running wild, and not in a good way!

Rule number 771, dont let your imagination run wild... It r bad idea yo

[Rogue Jedi]

772) letting your imagination run wild is punishable by death if you are a commander about to defend your planet from unknown alien invaders and you have been warned there Mechs are overpowered. seriously guys, if these rumors continue I expect some idiot will surrender a planet without a shot being fired because he had heard that even when outnumbering the enemy 2 to 1 his Mechs would not stand a chance.

774) most of the invader Mechs are far more dangerous than ours, but only to an inexperienced Mechwarrior, most experienced pilots have figured out that the alpha strike button also works well as a self destruct on some chassis

[SethAbercromby]

776: Orions are not "Onions". They do, however, make people cry.

777: "Do ya feel lucky, punk?" is only to be used by Clint Eastwood. Any violation is punishable by repeated slapping until everyone in the barracks has had their turn.

[Vanguard319]

Just going to add this, it seemed appropriate.

[StompingOnTanks]

778. "Let's Ramble with Rae: Mechwarrior 4: Vengeance" is now the standard training video for all Stompanian mech pilots.

[CyclonerM]

779. Never, i say again, NEVER, ask how to get MW4: Mercs for free.

[990Dreams]

780. No matter how much you say it, the Clans will never be superior to the IS. Or vice versa.

[SethAbercromby]

CyclonerM, on 31 July 2014 - 03:03 PM, said:

779. Never, i say again, NEVER, ask how to get MW4: Mercs for free.

Really? Given that MekTek doesn't exist in the same fashion any more and has stopped offering the files, that is a pretty good question in my book.

[StompingOnTanks]

781. Going to the local city's costume contest in BattleMech costumes is fine. Going to the local city's costume contest with your ACTUAL BATTLEMECHS is simply a misuse of extremely valuable military equipment. Plus last year that Locust's small laser misfired and destroyed the corn dog stand, which is an even bigger atrocity than misusing a BattleMech.

782. All units, please be informed that corn dogs hold a higher rank than you.

Edited by StompingOnTanks, 31 July 2014 - 05:06 PM.