915 replies to this topic

[990Dreams]

861. A Samurai beats a Knight.
861 a. Except in Chess, because there is no Samurai in chess.
861 b. The Samurai will also lose to the Knight if the Knight is a ninja.

Edited by DavidHurricane, 09 September 2014 - 12:27 PM.

[Hex Pallett]

862. We acknowledge the influence of videogames on our culture, and describing a targeted enemy 'Mech with terms like "low on health" is acceptable.

862 a. Describing your aging unit commander with these terms, however, is not.

(source)

[Alaskan Nobody]

DavidHurricane, on 09 September 2014 - 12:26 PM, said:

861 b. The Samurai will also lose to the Knight if the Knight is a ninja.

Being that stealthy in plate mail?

Very impressive

[Cactus In The Rear]

Well the samurai will lose if the knight has a tank unless,of course,the samurai is StompingOnTanks.

[IraqiWalker]

863. Opening your parachute during planetary re-entry is not helping the ship slow down.

[StompingOnTanks]

864. Light mechs are not "squirrels" and their pilots certainly aren't "squirrel riders".

[IraqiWalker]

865. Yelling "MOAR DAKKA!!!!" into the comms while piloting your ballistic CTF-4X will not generate more ammo for you, as you are not an ORK, and this is a DIFFERENT UNIVERSE!!! It will also interrupt important communications between your unit mates.

[Tustle]

866. Challenging Clanner MechWarriors to the Thunderdome should work better than it currently does.

867. If you don't want your personal electronics fried, stop leaving them on top of a gauss rifle's casing during test firing.

868. "Psychological Warfare" is not a good reason for shouting "Your fathers smell of elderberries!" over all comms.
868 b. There's a reason why those have been disabled as of late.

Edited by Tank Man, 15 September 2014 - 06:04 PM.

[Alaskan Nobody]

Tank Man, on 15 September 2014 - 06:04 PM, said:

868 b. There's a reason why those have been disabled as of late.

Sadly.

[Sparks Murphey]

StompingOnTanks, on 12 September 2014 - 02:31 PM, said:

864. Light mechs are not "squirrels" and their pilots certainly aren't "squirrel riders".

869. Stuffing a Jenner full of squirrels does NOT invalidate rule 864. It is, however, messy.
869a. No, you can't try with other light 'Mechs just to see.
869b. ...with ANY other 'Mechs.

[IraqiWalker]

870. Adjusting your unit's clocks 1 hour forward can be a fun prank on days off.
871. Doing it the night before the orbital drop is just in poor taste
872. Running barefoot on the tar-mac is ill advised, "my mech gets to do it" is not a good excuse.

[Alaskan Nobody]

IraqiWalker, on 18 September 2014 - 08:06 AM, said:

872. Running barefoot on the tar-mac is ill advised, "my mech gets to do it" is not a good excuse.

But! But! But! But!.....



.....aw

[kingalbertII]

873: we strongly disadvice setting off fireworks in your cockpit
874: just as much as storing weed in your heatsinks

Edited by kingalbertII, 23 September 2014 - 11:39 AM.

[IraqiWalker]

875. Also, no weed in the air filtration system.

[Tustle]

876. It is hazardous to one's health to refer to those Clan Daishis as "dire whales" in the presence of Clan Mechwarriors. We couldn't begin to tell you why.
877. We are aware that these 'Diamond Shark' merchants have begun distributing more Clanner 'mechs; stop trying to tell your CO's about it.

877 b. If you want em', you pay for em' yourself! The Ullers and Black Hawks are expensive enough as is...

878. Selling AC/20 shells to college frats for usage in "keggers" is more lucrative than expected. Doing so however, still will not cover the cost of producing a new AC/20 round; stop firing them at the ground on purpose.
879. If you are caught replacing the weapons on one of our sentry turrets with laser pointers or dye missiles, you can expect one or both as your replacement weapons in our next engagement. No the former won't be on a rifle, infantry.
880. Private Kann Tinnoken [the "Tank Man"] requests that tip number 1,000 be written with no less than 1,000 words.

880 b. He's just a private though, so who's going to really listen to him? >_>

[Big Tin Man]

IraqiWalker, on 23 September 2014 - 02:10 PM, said:

875. Also, no weed in the air filtration system.

881: Hotboxing the mechbay by shooting a brick of weed with a medium laser is strictly prohibited. We are on food rations and we can't spare any for you and your stoner friends.

881a: Doritos are lostech. Stop asking for them.

Edited by Big Tin Man, 23 September 2014 - 10:51 PM.

[IraqiWalker]

Tank Man, on 23 September 2014 - 09:12 PM, said:

880. Private Kann Tinnoken [the "Tank Man"] requests that tip number 1,000 be written with no less than 1,000 words.

[kingalbertII]

882: make sure an ac20 is not operational before entering the barrel for maintenance
883: do not try stopping lrms by standing in front of the tubes unless you are in a mech
884: an atlas with an eyepatch is always funny
885: do not open the hatch unless environment has human living standards

[StompingOnTanks]

886. While it is true that aerospace fighter's wings are almost completely useless in the airless, gravityless void of space, that does not make it acceptable to remove all of the Jesus Nuts holding them on before a space flight.

(Btw, "Jesus Nuts" is an actual aviation slang term, it's used to refer to the huge nuts that hold helicopter rotors onto their shaft. Why are they called Jesus Nuts? Because if they come loose you'd better start prayin!...)

887. Whoever brought up the fact that there is an infantry rifle in BattleTech that looks just like an M16 yet is semi-automatic only and only has a 10 round magazine, while somehow still being thousands of years newer than the weapon it mimics, stop being so nitpicky! It's Battletech!

Spoiler

Wow, BT artists, you couldn't try a little harder?

[Tustle]

888. Any kleptomaniacs in the unit are strictly forbidden from operating salvage vehicles, less because they may attempt to 'salvage' live friendly 'mechs and more because they may simply attempt to 'salvage' the vehicle in question.

888 b. If you just have to know, we will just have to remind you: we are an equal opportunity employer, and that is why we hire klepto- and pyromaniacs. And all the other -maniacs in between.

889. Xenobiology teams, it is advised you stop sharing your findings during mealtimes. The mating habits of nibblers was bad enough, but sharing the results from dissections was taking things way too far.