915 replies to this topic

[Sizzles]

1058: Stay out of the long grass.

(for those of you who didnt get it.)

Edited by Sizzles, 21 March 2015 - 10:53 PM.

[StompingOnTanks]

1059. Do not shoot zombie mechs in anything but the cockpit. I tried everything else. Nothing works.

[kosmos1214]

Sizzles, on 20 March 2015 - 01:39 PM, said:

1058: Stay out of the long grass.

1060. do not throck the grass!!!!

[Sizzles]

1061: Do NOT under ANY circumstance allow the Discombobulator to become combobulated.

[Big Tin Man]

1062: It is poor form and damaging to a unit's morale for a King Crab pilot to grab onto the drop doors with it's claws over a hot LZ and scream over combat coms "I don't wanna die! You can't make me go!"

1063: As a 100 mech swinging from the dropship doors is quite damaging to the hull, the techs have offered a reward for the first person to find rubber bands of sufficient size to hold the crab claws shut until after the drop is complete.

[Lily from animove]

1064 Lowering the sidewindow of your cockpit during overheating on HPG or minign colony is not recommended.

Edited by Lily from animove, 01 April 2015 - 03:38 AM.

[Big Tin Man]

Lily from animove, on 01 April 2015 - 03:36 AM, said:

1064 Lowering the sidewindow of your cockpit during overheating on HPG or minign colony is not recommended.

1064.a. Lowering the window to pass the Grey Poupon is acceptable, provided acceptable atmospheric conditions.

[Xenithos]

1071: Complimenting female MechWarriors on their paint jobs is not recommended. And if you are referring to her mech, say so.
1072: Owning or posessing a grill in your mech is not allowed, but cooking for your fellow lancemates in the bay is deeply appreciated.
1073: Do not tag friendly UAVs. Also, doing so and yelling "Shiny Disco Balls" will result in a one month ban on tag support duties.
1074: Performing strike from above actions are a last resort, doing so at the beginning of battle will result in punishments.
1075: Referring to missing torsos that were or were not equipped with weapons as a result of Breast Cancer will not be tolerated.
1076: Your battlemech glowing red does not mean it has a 'skin condition' it means your being a moron.
1077: Intentionally crashing mechs into hyperpulse generators to see if it causes any 'interference' will be taken as a traitorous, and deem you as a fugitive.
1078: Hacking in or using hyperpulse generators for non-military orders, especially if the orders were not given to do so, is illegal use of hardware. And will result in a 10,000,000 cb fine. Any other damage will be taken out of your hide.
1079: Joking about elementals passing wind is not humorous.
1080: Going for a joy ride by activating your emergency ejection is seat is prohibited.

[Tustle]

1081: Civilian aircraft are not toys for you and your BattleMech to play with.

1081 b: The same can be said for the company's non-mech' ground vehicles. And aerotech. Y'know what, just don't go picking vehicles smaller than your mech' up and saying "Vroom!" over loudspeakers period.

1082: Refrain from experimenting with Nuclear Fusors in the barracks.

Edited by Tank Man, 02 April 2015 - 07:14 PM.

[Sizzles]

1084: Please cleanup after yourselves when you have either literally or figuratively destroyed the latrines.

Edited by Sizzles, 03 April 2015 - 11:45 AM.

[SethAbercromby]

1085: While regular sessions of Cards Against Humanity have done well in increasing morale, I've taken notice that when asked a question, people have begun to not answer correctly, but with the worst possible option that comes to mind. Points for creativity only make the flailing worse.

[Tustle]

1087: When at the controls of a 'mech wielding a sword, please remember that usually, the techs will mount guns on it as well: there's no need to channel Inigo Montoya into every skirmish.

1087 b: Channeling Manny Pacquiao, Makunouchi Ippo, Jack Dempsey, or any real or fictional boxers in general is also unnecessary or even dangerous when at the controls of a humanoid 'mech with fists. Remember, 'mechs aren't nearly as flexible as humans, and only Lights and Mediums can be described as being 'light on their feet.'

1087 b-2: To the joker who got the Atlas-sized boxing gloves and managed to fit them on the fists of the CO's Atlas: expect a pay decrease proportional to the amount of time it takes you to remove said gloves and apologize to the CO.

1087 b-3: To all other personnel: pay increase to the one who correctly ID's the yahoo mentioned in 1087 b-2.

[SethAbercromby]

1087 b-4: If it's the same person who made the 'Mech sized mittens, I am ver much looking forwoard to the video upload. Also, please tell me about your oparation routine. We might be able to use that to improve the boxing behavior of humanoid 'Mechs.

[Orion Starion]

Marack Drock, on 02 April 2015 - 07:32 PM, said:

1083. If your aero-tech support are LAM mechs, then self destruct because it will be a less painful death.

1083 a, Clanners do not understand tactcial flexibility. Therefore use LAM, as they are terrifying effective against those who do not understand them.

[Orion Starion]

Marack Drock, on 06 April 2015 - 08:27 AM, said:

1083b. use them when up against any mech with more weaponry that a firemoth as they can easily shoot off a wing and down the LAM in a few seconds and Clans love free kills.

1083c. Take the word of a LAM pilot who has never lost a fight in a LAM, wing damage or loss is rarely an issue and will not result in the LAM being shot down.

[Tustle]

1090: NO ONE. We repeat. NO ONE is ever, EVER allowed to unbolt the 60-rated standard engine in an Urbanmech. Not for prosterity's sake mind you. It's simply because the techs just can't figure out why they're suddenly massed at an absolute zero in terms of weight: milligrams, grams, kilograms, tons, the works. Also something about physics, maybe *quantum* physics, and complete and total chaos at the NAIS...

Edited by Tank Man, 07 April 2015 - 01:39 PM.

[Stealth Fox]

Dexter Herbivore, on 07 February 2014 - 11:35 PM, said:

168. The Mad Dog is not "Such weapons... much fire... wow".

Me and My Madd Doge brethren very much would like to disagree with you.

[kosmos1214]

1091. remember the best model firestarter is a hollander

[StompingOnTanks]

1092. The first one to get to 2000 gets an instant promotion.
1093. If you shoot yourself in the foot so you get to skip Phsyical Training day, you will be required to attend Physical Training day anyway, but while standing on your hands.
1094. Please be aware that if Lance Commander Natasha Vishchoyev catches you staring, you will be required to fist fight her. And fist fighting beautiful Russian women is suicide.
1095. Yes, you are technically allowed to bolt a sniper rifle scope onto your service pistol. But unless you consider sniper rifle distance to be 100ft, we don't recommend it.

[Tustle]

1096: Do not use the company fitness center's heavy bags for target practice.

1097: Do not use the company firing range's targets for Close-Quarters-Combat practice.

1098: You can use the environmentally sealed cockpit interior of your BattleMech to store perishable food items; we just recommend you don't make it a habit. Also, don't forget to remove said food items before a sortie: trust us on this.

1099: Remember, when all hope seems lost and you soldiers under the Murpherian Command find yourselves surrounded in hostile territory, remind yourselves: you are not trapped in there with them.

They are trapped in there with Sparks freakin' Murphey.