3435 replies to this topic

[dal10]

MadLibrarian needs to go back to organizing books before I absorb him. His brain is a network too.

[Sparks Murphey]

Dai10 missed the great Iothil debate.

[Nightmare1]

Sparks only thinks the Iothil debate was great. In reality, there was no debate; it all occurred within his mind!

[dal10]

Nightmare1 gave me a wet dream once, it was weird.

[XphR]

Dalten just made the conversation all creepy uncle.

[dal10]

XphR has no sense of humor.

[XphR]

Dalten wears knee high wool socks, a knit hat and nothing else when swimming while mocking the other swimmers for wearing improper attire to the pool.

[dal10]

XphR enjoys watching me do that.

[Sizzles]

I blame you for apparently stealing Xphrs Forum Location Locating System.

Dalton is only allowed to hold the title of "survivor" because he has survived the Liao purges.



And apparently my F.L.L.S. has been stolen . . . Well ****.

Edited by Sizzles, 27 March 2015 - 05:19 AM.

[Nightmare1]

Sizzles was once a member of an elite force of operatives tasked with carrying out high profile assassinations in foreign nations. This Black Ops Unit has no name and can only be described as "not existing." That being said, Sizzles is no longer a member of the organization after his last mission that occurred five years ago. The experience was so traumatic for him that he now resides at the Mental Institute for the Laughably Insane.

Here is his tale of woe:

It all started when he was presented with a mission to assassinate the leader of the Congo Rebels. However, a Black Ops intern fresh out of college accidentally mixed up the briefing videos. When Sizzles received his in flight video while flying to Africa, he found himself watching a copy of Michael Crichton's Congo. Confused but resolute in his mission, he armed himself with several clutches of banana, bought himself a monkey, and headed off into the jungle to find the gorilla band in question. After days of searching, he finally found them. Using his trained monkey to communicate with the gorillas, he attempted to determine which one of them was their leader. However, his monkey had spent too much time in the city and had been corrupted. While Sizzles thought his interpreter was asking the gorilla band to take him to its leader, the little monkey was instead offering to split Sizzles' banana haul with the band 50/50 if they would kill him. The confused gorillas didn't know what to make of the evil little monkey and decided to hold a counsel to decide what to do with the two of them.

Meanwhile, back at HQ, Sizzle's handler had discovered the video mistake and realized that Sizzles could be in dire straits. He immediately went to the Situation Room and called Sizzles, hoping against hope that he was not too late to warn his favorite operative.

In the jungle, Sizzles sat cross-legged before the gorilla band council as they prepared to deliver their answer. He was still relying on the little monkey to interpret for him, but was concerned because he was running out of crayons for the little guy to write with, and dearly wished the he had not been so frugal with his mission budget. Just as the band began to tell the monkey that they did not wish to sully their first inter-species diplomatic meeting by killing the diplomat for bananas, Sizzles' phone rang. Immediately, all the gorillas turned and looked at him, for the ring tone was none other than Justin Bieber. As anyone knows, Bieber is enough to make even the most resolute person go ape and attempt to kill the source of the sound. The gorillas, already monkeys, were far more susceptible to the violent effects induced by Bieber. Sizzles, lacking any taste in music, was immune to its effects and did not realize the trouble it could cause having just set the ring tone upon landing in the Congo.

The gorilla band lost its collective head and charged Sizzles. He had no choice but to beat a hasty retreat, hurling anything of weight from his person to run faster and chunking bananas over both shoulders. The incensed monkeys were not to be placated so easily though and trod them beneath their feet in their furious pursuit.

For an hour they chased Sizzles before he realized that the ringtone was the source of this rage. His handler, desperate to make contact with Sizzles, never stopped calling and the ringtone continued to play without stop. While running, Sizzles desperately attempted to open the pocket of his cargo pants, but the zipper had a flap buttoned over it to prevent light from reflecting off of it. While he slowed down to wrestle with the button, the monkeys gained on him, forcing him to abandon the buttons and run like mad to put distance between them again. Once sufficient distance had accrued, he would slow down to undo the button, only to be foiled by its stubbornness and the pursuing gorilla band (his pet monkey was busily sitting on the Alpha silver-back's shoulder, pointing and screeching directions in monkey-ism).

Finally, Sizzles remembered his combat knife! Yanking it out, he slashed open the flap and then sheathed the knife. He reached down and yanked on the zipper, but it was stuck. Once again, for another hour he ran, pursued by the relentless gorillas while yanking on the stuck zipper. Finally, just as he remembered his knife again, a jungle call rang out and an enormous, tanned jungle man swept down on a vine and hoisted him up into the safety of the trees. The gorillas, too tired to climb up, sat around the tree and screeched at them. The jungle man looked Sizzles from head to toe, scratched his scalp, plucked a bug out of his hair, inspected it, and then offered it to Sizzles as a gesture of friendship. At that moment though, Sizzles' handler returned from his bathroom break and began calling him again. Once more, the phone's ringtone went off continuously. The jungle man's eyes widened and he let out a jungle call before launching himself at Sizzles. More by luck than skill, Sizzles dodged the strike and fell out of the tree and into the river below. As he was swept downstream, the gorilla band, jungle man, and his own pet monkey kept pace as they raced along the river bank, bellowing at him the whole time. A waterfall appeared and Sizzles was dropped over it, landing a short distance below in a pool of water next to a native village. He dragged himself ashore and, using hand signs, tried to explain his predicament to the startled natives. Some looked at him as a clumsy white god that had fallen from the sky, others eyed him and their cooking pots speculatively, still others thought he was some kind of goofy looking monkey that they could keep and train as a pet. At that moment, Sizzles handler returned from his coffee and donuts break and resumed calling Sizzles again. The phone, protected from the water by its Water-Shock (C) water-proof design began ringing again. The villagers began yelling in their native language and seized spears and bows. Once again, Sizzles took off running as the jungle drums rang out through the air.

As the natives called together their neighboring tribes to help them seek out and destroy the offending Bieber sounds, the jungle man let out a jungle cry, rallying all of the jungle creatures to his aid. Jungle cats and jungle elephants, and jungle bears, and jungle snakes, and jungle crocodiles, and jungle mice, and jungle japes all rushed through the woods seeking out Sizzles. His pistol, knife, and phone forgotten, Sizzles ran for his life, finally breaking out of the woods and onto the savannah. There, just ahead of him, was a safari truck. He angled for it, his breath coming in tearing gasps as he desperately threw himself into every step. The safari goers watched in amazement as they saw this strange, bedraggled man come running up to them with a horde of natives and jungle creatures pursuing him in the difference.

"I say there chap," asked the proper British safari man who was wearing the proper British safari outfit complete with the proper British sun helmet and proper British mustache with the ends twirled from where he played with it, "What's all this? This is a ruddy ruckus you have here! We're trying to hunt, see? Couldn't you be a good chap and take all this ruddy mess somewhere else?"

Sizzles rapidly explained his predicament to the proper British safari man.

"I say there good fellow, that's a peculiar predicament to be in! Quite the pickle, I say! And you say that those ruddy animals and savage natives over there are after you because they want your phone? I say, I've never heard of anything like it! It's a jolly good story my good fellow, a jolly good story! What say my fellow hunters and I give you a hand? We're here to hunt, and there appears to be a jolly good assortment of game over yonder. A few smart rifle shots should be enough to bag us some jolly good game, while also scaring away those savages."

Sizzles thanked the proper British safari man profusely and kissed his toes.

As that moment, Sizzles' handler returned from watching cat videos on YouTube and began calling him again. Once more, Sizzles' phone started ringing insatiably. The proper British safari man's eyes narrowed as he looked down towards Sizzles' cargo pocket.

"I say there chap," he asked, "that wouldn't be a Bieber song, would it? As in that bloody Justin fellow? I simply can't stand his ruddy songs and don't much like Canadians either. I warn you chap, you had better stop making that ruddy noise or I will have no choice but to ventilate you."

At this, he eared back the hammers of his elephant gun expressively.

Sizzles tugged on the zipper which yielded miraculously with the first pull. His hand dove into his pocket and fished out the offending phone. He mashed the silence button on the side and the noise quieted.

"Good show old boy!" exclaimed the proper British safari man, "I say, good show!"

But the handler called again, starting the ringtone once more.

The proper British safari man's eyes narrowed, "I say there chap, I seem to hear it again. Your survival here depends on how you react to my next words."

The thundering horde was close now. Sizzles swallowed nervously.

"Pull," said the proper British safari man. He had the elephant gun at the ready. When Sizzles did not immediately hurl the phone into the air, the proper British safari man pointed at the phone and said, "Pull!" one more time. Suddenly comprehending, Sizzles quickly reached out and gave the proper British man's finger a good pull.

..........................
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Sizzles' escape from that situation, to this day, remains a textbook case of what not to do for all agents at the Black Ops organization. How he escaped remains classified outside of the organization itself, so I am not at liberty to divulge that information to the general public. Suffice to say that it took a large number of gifts of English muffins and fine tea to the Britain to restore their good faith in us after Sizzles' now-infamous "Pull my finger" mistake (Turns out the proper British safari man was a proper member of the British Parliament too!). It also took a large number of wells being dug to placate the natives. The jungle man had to have a new loincloth made out of Holstein leather; a rare pattern not easily found at the jungle store. The gorilla band insisted on having several clutches of bananas while the interpreter monkey wrote a book about the incident, got himself on TV, and then spun the whole thing into an election that ended with him securing a spot in the U.S. House of Representatives.

Meanwhile, the damage Sizzles sustained to his psyche was such that the Black Ops organization was forced to retire him to the Mental Institute for the Laughably Insane. To this day, he is not allowed to leave the premises, although they did give him a computer on which to play games. You could say that, in a way, he is living happily ever after.

Edit: Typos, grammar, general improvements.

Whoo-hoo! I got it all written before anyone else replied! It's nice not to have to go through and change all the names over, lol.

Note: This is supposed to be a humorous parody of several things to become the ultimate fun fact in this fun fact thread; nothing in the little tale is intended to be offensive to anyone. Thanks and I hope you enjoyed it!

Edited by Nightmare1, 27 March 2015 - 02:34 PM.

[XphR]

Nightmare1 sometimes has difficulty getting into his very important supply of anti-elaboration medications bottle. However this generally results in very humorous outbursts.

[MarineTech]

For the last few years XphR has been attempting to split an atom in his basement workshop. He is not finding much success and continues to try and locate a smaller and sharper chisel.

[Sparks Murphey]

MarineTech designs atoms for a hobby. So far, he has made 694 of his own. Fakeyiligen even won a prize for "Most Impressive Interaction With a Noble Gas" at the 2012 Geneva Livestock, Handicrafts and Weird Science Fair.

[MarineTech]

One night, after going on a serious bender down at the pub, Sparks Murphy came home to find a giant huntsman spider had taken up residence on the ceiling of his home. Sparks immediately leaped at the spider to defend his territory. His neighbors called the authorities due to the loud and persistent crashing noises. Arriving on the scene, the constabulary found Sparks dining on the corpse of his victim, having defeated it in hand to hand combat.

When questioned by authorities on why he'd do such a thing, he replied "I really wanted a pie floater, but all the carts were closed. Strewth."

Edited by MarineTech, 28 March 2015 - 06:37 AM.

[Hayashi]

MarineTech is incapable of spelling my name.

MarineTech, on 26 March 2015 - 01:02 AM, said:

The world's chipmunk population, after long and detailed study, determined that Hiyashi is "kinda neat." Unfortunately, chipmunks have a tendency to suffer from ADHD, and Hiyashi's status was quickly forgotten in the further quest for nuts and seeds.

MarineTech, on 23 March 2015 - 07:45 AM, said:

Hiyashi has the interesting mutant ability to affect localized gravity around any soba he is consuming. As he is eating it, the soba achieves a state of 0 weight. Since he swallows the soba once done chewing, he has never noticed the weightless state.

MarineTech, on 19 March 2015 - 06:45 AM, said:

Hiyashi once had a pet rutabaga that he named Baka. He only had it for a short time before it made its escape to pursue its dream of appearing in a Mario video game. Oh, and Hiyashi.... That's what I tell kids happened to the rabbit. We're adults here. I ate it.

Edited by Hayashi, 28 March 2015 - 12:10 PM.

[StompingOnTanks]

Hayashi gets his name from the "HI-YA!" he makes and the "SHI!" sound his black, demon-slaying Katana makes when he swings it through the air. Of course, he can also use it to summon Mecha-Hayashi from orbit, but that's a story for another post.

[dal10]

StompingOnTanks is from the same state as me.

[Waffles 2pt0]

Dal10 is short for dal10-omon. Which is in fact the ultimate war grey mega skull digi-evolution of dal9.

Edited by S Morgenstern, 28 March 2015 - 08:46 PM.

[MarineTech]

As a child, S Morgenstern always wanted to grow up to be an Urbanmech. Even today, whenever he passes trash cans at the hardware store, he always stops and sighs wistfully.

[Sizzles]

Marine Tech once tried to substitute the break fluid in his ancient ground car with dish detergent.

You should ask him how that went.