250 replies to this topic

[Brenden]

CaveMan, on 14 December 2011 - 08:58 AM, said:

((Speaking from experience as a writer, a little constructive criticism.
Can you please break up your text a bit more? I hate to be a grammarian about stuff, but it's getting really hard to parse those big blocks of text and pick out details for the story. Instead of two huge paragraphs that last post should really have been about six smaller ones.
Also, it reads like you're rushing through trying to narrate the story. There are a lot of missed words and errors and it makes it a lot harder to read the posts. Take your time and we'll all be a lot happier with the results
This last bit is more based on my experience as a GM for RPGs:
I think you're being a little over-specific on certain details. "82.94% strength", really? Who could tell that from a glance? You're also giving us a lot of info the player characters have no way of knowing (the exact weapons loadout of the mystery Shadow Hawk, the size of the lasers on the modified Jenner, what the Shadow Hawk pilot is seeing on his displays).
Don't get me wrong, details are great, I love details, but they have to be relevant details. Maybe I'm wrong and there's a good reason why you're telling us what the Shadow Hawk pilot is seeing on his displays, but you haven't made that obvious yet. We don't necessarily need to have the inner motivations of NPCs. Give us their actions and maybe some dialogue and the players can figure it out for ourselves.
Second, I'd like to know a little more about the actions of the other troops the DCMS is throwing into the fight. 'Mechs are cool, this is a Mechwarrior story, so obviously 'Mechs are the focus of the action, but it seems like all you want to discuss is the 'Mech battle.
Keep in mind, as a GM/narrator, that only two or three of the characters are 'Mech pilots and none of them are presently anywhere near a 'Mech. Right now it sort of feels like our characters are watching the story unfold rather than participating in it.

Having said all that, this is a pretty cool start. Things are getting interesting fast. Just find a way to hook us all in together and it will be awesome.))

(( I'm sorry, I wrote those posts near the end of the day when I am half asleep and my creativity is at it's peak, for some reason. I didn't really mean for it too go in such a manner as it is going. And further more I left what happens too the bar fight too those that are there, if I am reading this correctly. But, I digress: I do need too add more interaction between the DCMS instead of focusing on the unnamed 'mech pilot. I think I will wait for a few more posts before I make my own, though I will have to revise and edit it before hand..)

[Orcinus]

Panting heavily, Furukawa reached the end of an alleyway. Maybury spanned before him, the scent of smoke lingering in the atmosphere.
I’m close.
A gunshot rang out. He turned his head in time to see two DCMS soldiers return a wild volley from their weapons. Ducking down, he noticed four of their comrades strewn about them, each taken out with a single shot.
Good shooting.
A split second later, the last two men fell.
Two less problems for me to deal with.
He glanced up and down the street. All clear.
But not for long.
Furukawa paused to take a deep breath, and sprinted again towards the fallen soldiers.
Beyond them was a tavern, badly battered but somehow still standing. The remnants of a sign read “The Empty Stein.”

Edited by Orcinus, 15 December 2011 - 02:26 PM.

[Kevin Kirov]

"Thanks boss, probably is but I've had a bit worse." Kavin said grimmacing.

In response to Eiko, Kavin replied "Lead on babe."
"And hey barkeep, Bryan right? Can I get another one of those bottles, strongest stuff you got?"
Looking a bit skeptical Bryan nodded and handed over a tall bottle of Donegal Whiskey. "Oooh, the good stuff!" Kavin said between swigs. Handing Bryan a 20 C-bill note Kavin followed Eiko out the door, nearly running into a hooded man.

((how am i doing at this? lol, i havent doe this very often.))

[CaveMan]

Brenden, on 14 December 2011 - 12:01 PM, said:

(( I'm sorry, I wrote those posts near the end of the day when I am half asleep and my creativity is at it's peak, for some reason.))

((It's cool. I have the same problem myself, can't write anything until I'm almost passing out. Just keep at it, it's going well so far.))

Kevin Kirov said:

((how am i doing at this? lol, i havent doe this very often.))

((So far so good, I'd say. I'm more of a paper-and-dice kind of RP person, myself, but I've got nothing to complain about from what I've seen.))

____

Jason grabbed the hooded intruder by the shoulder and spun him around, brandishing his concealed umbrella/shotgun like a cudgel.

"Hey, who the hell are you?" he queried the man. "Not such a great afternoon to be hitting the bar, friend."

[Brenden]

(( Alright, how's this?)

The soldiers, in their black and tan fatigues and their modified assault rifles, came stomping down the road of Maybury from the way in which the 'mechs first chased each other. Their faces grimanced as they looked at the scene - part of the street uprooted, footsteps twice the size of a sedan in both length and width everywhere and laser marks everywhere. They were not close too the bar, though, so they could do nothing for their DCMS Militia units. The men tensed up as the three 'mechs came by: Tall and emotionless the Hermes II waited for their commander, who was busy on the other street inspecting what had happened with the Jenner. One raised a hand and pointed down the street, where a peice of a helicopter had landed when it crashed. Ten men went running down the street too see if anything was there that they suspected was their helicopter. Once the lance leader came he took one look at the scene, then turned it's head down the street where the Jenner when critical and then down too where the Helicopter was.

"Radio for VTOL and Salvage - going to need a clean up." His voice was a low guff, slightly hoarsed with a cold as he sneezed loudly into his cockpit by mistake.

[VEDRFOLNIR]

Kevin Kirov, on 14 December 2011 - 12:59 PM, said:

((how am i doing at this? lol, i havent doe this very often.))

((Two-thumbs up!))

Eiko looked at Bryan and said, 'I think you'd be better off coming along with us Bryan. There's no guarantee this place will survive another battle.'

She helped the boy out from under the bar, fashioning a sling from some bar rags. 'Here, this will hurt some but we need to keep your arm from moving.' Eiko tied up his arm, wincing at the pain that flashed across his face. As they prepared to leave, Eiko hurredly downed the last of her Pharaoh beer, savoring the taste. So much for lunch, she thought sadly. They moved toward the door, but she stopped when Jason grabbed at something out of her sight - when she realized it was a cloaked figure, she stopped.

[Kevin Kirov]

Seeing Jason grab the hooded figure Kavin turned to face him, pointing his pistol at him, "You're coming with us. Lets move, i hear footsteps. We gotta get out of here before the Black and Tans get here."

Edited by Kevin Kirov, 14 December 2011 - 03:55 PM.

[Orcinus]

One can never be too careful.
Confirming that the six DCMS troops were not getting back up in the perceivable future, Furukawa stood up and took a breath.
No time to waste.
He made his way toward the Empty Stein.
In his haste, he had failed to notice someone—a woman—coming out of the bar.
Before he could say anything, a man in a faded black trenchcoat pushed past her and grabbed Furukawa's shoulder, spinning him so that they faced each other. The man was holding something in his hand—an umbrella?—as if about to strike.

CaveMan, on 14 December 2011 - 01:30 PM, said:

"Hey, who the hell are you? Not such a great afternoon to be hitting the bar, friend."

The man with the bottle turned as well, pistol in hand.

Kevin Kirov, on 14 December 2011 - 03:47 PM, said:

"You're coming with us. Lets move, i hear footsteps."

Quite a friendly bunch...
Doesn't look like I have much choice, though.
"Let's hurry, then."

[CaveMan]

Jason looked over the newcomer as the motley group walked, hobbled, and staggered down the alleyway.

"You're a Drac," he half-declared, half-asked, seeing the remains of a DCMS Mechwarrior uniform. "Or at least used to be a Drac. Never once seen a DCMS soldier keep such a filthy uniform. Heard rumors they take a cane to you if you don't spit-shine your boots."

He didn't elicit a response, so Jason kept prodding.

"This ain't no place to be running around without your 'Mech, Soldier. What are you doing out here?"

[Orcinus]

Sharp eyes...
Then again, Furukawa didn't expect a worn-out cloak to hide his uniform from anyone at this distance.
It didn't help that the man didn't appear to be particularly well disposed towards 'Dracs'.
"I used to work for the Combine. Now I don't."
He glanced over.
"Either way, I do what I can to get by."
He looked ahead again.
"Simple as that."

[VEDRFOLNIR]

Eiko stole a glance at the newcomer, listening to his terse conversation with Jason as their motley group quickly cut off Mayberry and began weaving their way deeper into the city's ruined industrial zone. After several blocks of back-alley travel, they came up to another street. Across from them, on the other side of the street, was a boarded-up three-story building. Above the double-doors, they could see a large sign that read BRIL IANT G NESIS. The L and E lay forlorn and forgotten on the sidewalk. 'There it is,' she said softly. The external glass had shattered, but the boards looked undisturbed. 'We can go in the front, or the loading dock around back. Less chance of being seen that way.'

[CaveMan]

"As long as you can get the door open, Miss, any entrance is good," said Jason.

He took a look over the imposing structure.

"It certainly looks solid enough. Roof should have a good vantage point on anything coming up the street. Is there a basement, or a garage level we can take cover in? Less risk of stray fire versus street level. Autocannon rounds aren't usually obliged to stop for plywood."

[fuguzawaz]

"Do you really think it will be safer here?" asked Dop, this being the first thing he has said since his arm breaking.

"And where do we plan on going once we have worn out our welcome here? This building wont stand forever."

Dop takes a look at the group. "We're a nice little bunch... arent we" he thinks to himself.

"It's never a good idea to stay in one spot for too long."

Edited by fuguzawaz, 14 December 2011 - 11:16 PM.

[Seth]

((This is separate from the continuing story and does not involve any of the characters here. It simply occurs concurrently with the ongoing story))

It was stupid to return here. It had been stupid to move to this city in the first place, she should have stayed in the country. It was stupid to have trusted that man, but she was afraid. At least her daughter didn't see... Now it was stupid to have returned to her apartment, but she had nothing. She needed the money, the food, and her daughter needed clothes. The building was abandoned, her neighbors had either escaped the city or had been captured by the invaders. Once inside, she could see more than a few were dead. The building was dark and silent.

She lived on the second floor, but with the power out, she would need to take the stairs. So she took her daughter's hand and led her into the black stairwell. As the door closed behind them, the darkness surrounded them and she stopped to listen. There was nothing except for the sound of their breathing. With one hand clutching her daughter's and the other on the wall, she led the way up the gloom. The sound of her their shoes scrapping on the floor and her daughter's whimpering were deafening in her ears. She was convinced someone would hear them, but they made it to their floor safely.

When they reached the exit for their floor, she slowly opened the door and looked down the hall. It was dark, but enough of the dim daylight came in through the few opened apartment doors that she could see they were alone. Slowly the pair crept to their door. She slid her key in as quietly as she could and unlocked the door. She stepped inside and was shocked by how normal everything looked. Aside from a few things that had been knocked from the walls and shelves, she could almost convince herself she had just returned home from work. She even checked the light switch, half expecting it to work. The distant sound of fighting snapped her back to reality. It was far enough away, but she wanted to return to the relative safety of the tunnels as soon as possible.

Her daughter occupied herself with the a feast of dry food from the pantry, she was even delighted when her mother gave silent consent to gorge on the treats normally reserved for special occasions. As her daughter ate, she gathered the supplies she needed. Food that wouldn't spoil, clothes for the two of them, a memory pad with her cache of family photos as well as some money and jewelry to hopefully trade with. Maybe she could buy passage back to the country or even off this damned planet. She wished she had owned a gun, but up until a few weeks ago, she had thought guns were unnecessary and dangerous. Another stupid decision on her part. The sound of fighting was getting closer, she could hear the sounds of explosions and gunfire. They needed to leave! Now!

She grabbed the largest pack could find and began to stuff as much as she could into it and headed back to her daughter. Her daughter had lost interest in the food at the growing sound of fighting and was hiding beneath the table. Part of her wanted to hide under there with here, but she knew this building wasn't safe. She took her daughter by the arm and began to lead her to the front door when they were both knocked to the floor. They must have shot the building! The sounds of battle started to shake the walls and floor and the sound of her daughter crying began to compete with the sound of the war outside. The street-side windows exploded inwards and they were both crushed to the floor again by a wall of air. There was no time to run, they needed to take cover.

She picked her daughter up and ran to the bathroom, the only room with no windows. She huddled in the tub with her child in her arms, trying to shield her from the rain of debris pelting them from above. While the sounds of machines and explosions rose outside, the screaming of the child in her arms increased apace. Another explosion and it felt like the entire building had been shoved to the side. By now she was screaming too, however the cacophony of gunfire completely drown them both out. As the battle raged on, it felt like the building around her was being torn apart. It seemed to last an eternity.

Finally, the fighting outside began to move on. The sounds growing steadily more distant while her daughter had no more voice left to scream with. Cautiously, she left the bathroom. Her apartment could no longer provide the illusion of normality. She stepped to the large window facing the street and froze. Directly in front of her was a huge machine. Clearly a mech, though she didn't know what to call it. She was close enough to feel the heat radiating off its surface, hear the ticking of metal cooling and more than close enough to see the symbol of the red and black coiled dragon emblazoned on its chest. It had been stupid to return here.

Edited by Seth, 15 December 2011 - 03:23 AM.

[Orcinus]

fuguzawaz, on 14 December 2011 - 11:15 PM, said:

"It's never a good idea to stay in one spot for too long."

"Indeed."
Furukawa made his way towards the building.
"We should get the wounded inside as quickly as possible."
He placed his hand on a board and began to pull at it.
"Could someone help me out with these?"

[VEDRFOLNIR]

Eiko followed the DCMS soldier, and quickly set to helping him remove one of the boards. 'If I remember correctly,' she said, 'there is a First Aid station in the lounge, which is on the first floor, thankfully. Once we get through the atrium, it will be the first door on the left side of the corridor.'

[revanus]

((

Name: Alex Wingate

Age: 26

Profession: Lawyer

Hometown: New Tel Aviv, Robinson

Description: 5'9, 150 lbs. Athletic and handsome. Dark brown hair is cut short, in a stylish and cosmopolitan "New Avalon" look. Eyes are medium brown. Caucasian.

Clothing: Navy 2-button suit, White shirt, Dark grey tie. Windsor knot. Black leather messenger bag slung over shoulder.

Affiliation: Resistance))

A muffled noise from the direction of the atrium brought Alex's attention away from the papers he had been sorting through in the employee lounge. Dotting the lounge were boxes of customer records that Alex had salvaged from the file room. An empty med-kit could also be spotted on the rear wall.

He had been in the midst of sorting through the billing information of Brilliant Genesis' biggest clients. B-G had about 100 major corporate accounts--Alex had been assigned to twenty of them himself. But that was before the invasion.

While in the midst of "borrowing" the sensitive account info of his former employer's major clients, Alex had allowed himself a moment to think about how he'd gotten here. It had all made sense at first--a solid job opportunity and a chance to see a new world made for an enticing offer. Sure, it wasn't the same kind of adventure his dad had been having when he was 26 as an Aero pilot in the Draconis March. But his dad had wanted a different path for Alex--his father had actively discouraged a military career. The closest Alex came to a military background was hanging out with military friends and family members, the occasional friendly paintball game, and weekends on the gun range with his dad and brother. Oh, and the mandatory self-defense training that everyone learned in school at Robinson. The torrid history of the Draconis March meant everyone got prep classes on what to do in case of an invasion--until the past few weeks, Alex had lumped those info sessions in his mind alongside equally useful briefings on earthquake preparedness, airline flotation devices, and fire safety.

When Alex first chose to take the job at B-G, it hadn't hurt that Sara had grown up on Bonette. Though relocation was a shift for Alex, it was more of a homecoming for his girlfriend of two years. Moving together to Bonette had been a major step in their relationship, and her network of friends and family had helped to lessen the shock of the move.

The noise from the atrium brought Alex out of his reverie. His old workplace was now a warzone. "Good thing I'm wearing camo," Alex thought to himself. Having run into a few DC partrols over the weeks, Alex had found that his business appearance helped shield him from attention and suspicion. "Just goes to show that a good suit is always appropriate," Alex mused.

Having grown up on Robinson, Alex had a deep distrust and loathing for the Combine. Unlike some of those he knew back home, though, his aversion didn't extend to Japanese culture or racism. In college, Alex had taken a number of courses on Ancient Eastern Philosophy--reading the poetry of Matsuo Basho, the sutras of Zen Buddhism, and the warrior stories such as the Tales of the Heike had shown Alex that there was much common humanity and beauty to be found in the culture of Japan. In Alex's mind, however, the Draconis Combine was a different beast. To Alex, the Combine mixed the poetry of Japan with totalitarianism and genocide.

Alex moved his boxes and papers over to a side booth. He had a good view of the door, and could keep sorting through the documents without compromising his awareness of the surroundings. Lucky for him, a business man in a suit surrounded by complicated papers is exactly the type of person you'd expect to find in an employee lounge of a major corporation--even during an invasion.

Alex was in his element.

Edited by revanus, 15 December 2011 - 01:46 PM.

[Brenden]

The DCMS, too busy to get involved with the fleeing Patrons, decided to assess the damaged done. A Firestarter remained in flames of it's weapon, a Jenner was destroyed not to far and a number of Helicopters had fled with one destroyed, though they do not know how it came to be behind the building. The road was uprooted by some powerful weapons, quiet possibly weapons utilizing the recently found Helm Memory Core. The battlemech that caused this damage and chaos too the DCMS troops was, what cameras have picked up, too be the same Shadow Hawk that thrashed the Harbor with the resistance, though it did not bear their mark. Rumors strain that it was like the Batman of today - appearing only at night and when needed. Though no one believe the tales of an invincible medium 'mech, they must take into consideration that, if it is on the side of the Resistance, then they must be cautious. Before, during the first part of the invasion the local militia had only simple 'mechs: Locust, Cicades, Stingers, one Atlas which is now in DCMS custody and a few Hermes IIs, which are now being using by the DCMS. A Shadow Hawk was not one of them, meaning that it could be part of a scouting force and should be dealt with as soon as possible.

(( Sorry if it's not following the patrons of the bar.)

[Orcinus]

Upon prying off the first board, Furukawa paused to look inside.
The atrium was lit well enough from the meager sunlight trickling through the shattered windows.
First door to the left... there. Wait, why is the light--?
He raised his right hand suddenly, signaling everyone to pause.
He turned to the woman and whispered.
"Someone is already here."

Brenden, on 15 December 2011 - 02:01 PM, said:

(( Sorry if it's not following the patrons of the bar.)

((No worries. Good to know we have time to "relax." ))

[CaveMan]

Jason was just beginning to relax his guard when the ex-DCMS soldier said:

Orcinus, on 15 December 2011 - 02:37 PM, said:

"Someone is already here."

He cracked open the concealed shotgun once more and checked that a round was securely in the chamber.

"It's probably just some squatters looking for shelter. All the same, I'll take point. If you can get one more of these boards off, I should be able to just squeeze through. Quietly, please."

Jason turned to Kavin. The man was clearly getting paler by the minute; while the alcohol seemed to do wonders for the pain, it wasn't helping his falling blood pressure. They needed to reach proper medical supplies before things took a turn for the worse.

"You think you're up to holding our rear, Old Man?"